Not Just Another Halloween Night
by SerenadeKnight44
Summary: The sky is dark, the moon is full and...Seymour rides a Harley? If only that! Read on to find out what happens when a load of FF characters from FF4FF10 have a little more on their hands than the insanities of a Halloween Night gone wild!
1. Part 1

**Not Just Another Halloween Night  
**_By Prince Tiger a.k.a. Nick  
10-23-02 to ????_

_**Author's Note**: Welcome to my Final Fantasy Halloween Crossover fanfic extraordinaire! The main purpose of this fic is to put various Final Fantasy characters and villains into pure chaos on a night that is anything but ordinary. Don't expect too much of a plot though, it's mostly just crazy madness, but simple is good right? While the course of getting the fanfic written has been painfully slow, it still progresses to quite an extensive length regardless. So, sit back, relax, and have one of your favorite beverages on hand as I, the author, present to you: Not Just Another Halloween Night. Enjoy! And as always, feedback; good or bad is appreciated._

**Part 1**

The black cape of a slivered-haired titan flopped in the wind of the late night hour like an annoying curtain rustling on the windowsill. His long boots noisily thudded up the long set of stairs, seemingly to never end. Upon reaching the very top, his eyes met with that of a large door. That moment of observation led to a properly inserted clash of thunder and lightning as the sky lit up in flames under a thick blanket of cumulonimbus clouds. The sliver-haired man ignored the ominous chaos and rang the doorbell from nearby the door. The screeching noise of the doorbell couldn't even appraise to the hazard that was to come for this great warrior of darkness. The wind again roared in passion, but nothing could disturb this warrior as he waited for his treasure to emerge from the entrance.

He waited…

And waited…

And waited…

Finally, from what had felt like an eternity, the door slowly crept open revealing from the interior shadows… What manner of evil would lurk from behind this door, to cause great disorder to this titan of darkness?

"Ohhh! Don't you look so handsome little man!" a fat old woman nearly blinded greeted to the titan of mass destruction.

His Masamune glistening from the fire in his eye, the oppressor bellowed in reply, "Handsome? The hell women, I am the great…" the figure bellowed, but he didn't get the chance to finish as a spoonful of gummy worms was forcefully shoved into his mouth.

"Of course you are! Here, have some gummy worms! And Happy Halloween!" laughed the old women as she shut the door on the titan with an irritating slam. Thunder and lightning ruptured again as the realization of defeat echoed into the ultimate being's head. With nothing else to lose, the figure, defeated, descended back towards from whence he came…

"That bitch, she didn't even let me say my name!" the sliver-haired man bellowed towards his rival who had been waiting at the corner of the street.

"Oh shut it, Sephiroth, any human alive to consider you "handsome" shouldn't even exist, period." Cloud shouted as he polished his "Ultima Weapon".

"Heeey, you hold your tongue puppet boy!" replied the sliver-haired soldier. "I'm as evil as they come, I killed an Ancient for crying out loud!"

"Did someone mention me?" came a voice from nearby...

Suddenly, a familiar girl in a pink dress emerged from the shadows near the two swordsmen. Seeing their reactions, she giggled slightly as she began to fasten a pink bow into her brown hair. The one called Aeris spoke, "It's too bad you two didn't dress up for this frightful occasion, I would have enjoyed seeing that very much..." Again, she giggled clasping her hands together at the same time, her green eyes sparkling like freshly polished emeralds. .

"Why bother, we're already soldiers!" exclaimed Cloud.

"Correction…you're an Ex-Solider…" chuckled Sephiroth.

"Then what are you? God?" Cloud taunted.

"Damn straight!" Sephiroth growled as he flapped his wings for an instance. "I mean, look at these wings!"

"Ha! We killed you in like ten rounds in the final battle!"

"You got lucky! My Super Nova should have crushed you, after all, I did crush all the other planets in the solar system, twice even!"

"Umm, guys…?" spoke up Aeris, "Shouldn't we be getting to the next house?"

"Nope, now go away before I taunt you a second time," reverted Sephiroth who tittered again slightly.

"Umm…you didn't the first time…" Aeris giggled.

"Err, hush!" the sliver-hair warrior blushed at the comment as he swept his hand across in front of his face.

"The point is Mr. I-have-huge-ass-sword, you're not going to get any decent candy if you keep this act up…" Cloud revoked.

"And what about you, Mr. I-kill-my-own-friends!" Sephiroth countered.

"HEY! That was your doing…"

"Oh yeah…"

"I wonder how the others are doing" wondered Aeris.

"Better than we are most likely…" sighed Sephy as he looked up towards the full moon. The night had only just begun.

As it turned out on that very same night, our AVALANCHE idols (plus almighty god-like villain) were not the only ones to be cruising the streets looking for the substance of candy, but a familiar monkey-boy and royal queen were also patrolling for the prize as well.

"Big moon out tonight eh Dagger?" grinned a cheeky Zidane who even on Halloween had nothing better to do than to try and seduce Garnet.

"Hmm maybe, it's almost too scary and cold out tonight to go trick-or-treating…" Garet thought as she covered herself at the discomfort brought on upon by the howling wind.

"Too cold? Nahhhh, it's just right, but if you're really cold I could…" Zidane suggested as his left arm began to slip around his royal love…

"Never mind, I feel just fine now." Garnet stated as she walked a step forward from Zidane who nearly had fallen on his face from the unexpected quick shift.

"Okay, okay…" Zidane pouted.

At that very moment, a big tin can came prancing into view. It didn't take a genius to guess who it was by his obnoxious, commanding voice and bothersome metal armor that would have served better use as material for canned goods. "You thief! How dare you speak to the princess on Halloween, why, if you hadn't influenced her of this foolish tradition, we'd be back at the castle and watching my favorite show, "My Favorite Alexandrian"

Zidane wasn't going to take this insult by force. He primed a firm posture in front of the rust-bucket. "Rusty, Garnet here has never been out on Halloween nor even witnessed the pure sensation of Trick-or-Treating. Having been stuck in the castle most of her early years in life, she's been forced to miss out on so much. Now, just this once, let her go out and have some fun for a change, hmm? I promise to bring her home safe and sound. So c'mon already!"

Steiner was just about to pummel Zidane to a bloody pulp when he truly realized that for the first time in his life, the odd-looking figure made complete sense. For her highness had always been cooped up in the castle doing who knows what with her life, with such limited contact on the outside world. He realized that when they had met Zidane the first time, all of that changed and he had never seen the Queen so overjoyed with her abundant amount of freedom and free will for that matter. He wished to grant her that privilege again…

"Very well, but if I catch you doing your impression of "Tarzan" on any trees, you'll be the one to clean my armor, since you are one to complain so much..." Steiner warned stating his terms, his sword nearing cutting off Zidane's tail. Zidane forced himself to back flip to avoid the collision with the extremely sharp object. Steiner was quickly argued however by the Queen's royal tone.

"Steiner!!"

"Err, yes your Highness…?" replied the Pluto Knight Captain as he saluted her acknowledging the fact that he was listening.

"Zidane's right, I've never had the chance to experience a Halloween, and I for one am not going to let you ruin it, c'mon Zidane, we're leaving!" she hissed as she dragged the tail-wielding young man along with her.

Zidane the young man dressed in a gorilla costume just stuck his tongue out at the knight in cheap armor and let himself be dragged off with the princess dressed adequately as Jane.

"So Dagger…" Zidane intrigued, his eyes moving in with desire, "Ever been to a real haunted house…" Again, the male attempted to lurk an arm around the lady of his life. Garnet simply shrugged as they approached a rather spooky mansion.

Meanwhile, half a mile away, another familiar group was celebrating the big night indoors with all the ingredients needed for a party. Loud music was blaring away, lights were flashing, food was being digested, and the DJ was just announcing the next song over a booming microphone.

"Hey all! Now for an old classic that's sure to make your honey melt, let's give it up for "Eyes on Me!" The DJ raised his hands in the air receiving a rousing ovation from the crowd. Interesting enough, this DJ had quite a muscular figure, his pectorals nearly bursting through his dark black shirt, his spiked hair sharp enough to cut a fly. Yes, there was no mistaking his figure.

The CD was inserted, but it wasn't exactly the correct song, immediately noticed by the rushing sound of guitar strings, percussion and a hardcore voice that sounded like water was desperately needed and fast. Seeing that the crowd hadn't exactly rejected the hit "Otherworld" The DJ simply let the tune play and people rock n' rolled.

As the music played, a familiar couple was in the corner of the dance floor, one standing near the wall drinking out of a wine glass, the other, trying to mesmerize the stud for a dance.

"You're going to like me, you're going to like me…did it work?" asked the girl dressed as an angel, clad in a white tunic complete with a yellow ring over her head.

"Not at all, but oh why the hell not, this story is going to get flames if I don't dance with you…" mumbled the gunblader dressed as Frankenstein. (He's already got the scar...haha...)

"Yayy!!!!" cried Rinoa in approval as she yanked his hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

Squall could only wince in horror, as he was forced to bust-a-move in front of dozens of people, some he didn't know, and others he would rather not be caught dancing in front of fearing for his change in image. Yet, after some fancy moves, the commander was surprisingly quite good as approved by the rousing cheer of the rowdy crowd. And for that moment in time, he was not known as the man with a need for social skills.

Meanwhile, a familiar thirteen-year-old monster child was trying to get the DJ to dance with him.

"Hey Mr. Thou, you dance with me?" asked Gau to the DJ who had ventured off to the side of his little studio on stage.

"The hell?! Kid, for the last time, I'M NOT MR. THOU!!" roared Sabin as he smashed the kid in the face. This, of course, ticked the veldt beast off beyond a frantic state of control.

"YOU MEAN, ME KILL YOU!" screamed the thirteen-year-old green hair-ed kid as he turned himself into a Bomb ready to detonate.

"Holy mother of crap! That's not fake is it?" screamed the groovy afro blitzer, Not ready to blow up with the rest of the party, he forcefully gave in. "Okay, kid, you win…this could very well damage my career, but it's only one night, let's boogie!"

"Come ride the train, choo-choo!" Gau chanted as he made the train signal to the popular mid-90s dance hit. Sabin could only shake his head in displeasure, as he knew this was going to be a long night.

Meanwhile, at another section of the party, two former Magitek Soliders were having refreshments, their eyes deadlock on Sabin and Gau's dance steps.

"Ehh, that's really disturbing…" Celes (dressed as a vampire) mumbled as she watched the pair get it on.

"Yes, I would have to agree…hey where's Locke?" asked Terra. (dressed as a mummy)

"Ugh, you know him, still after that infamous treasure…" Celes replied as she sips her drink.

Across the room at that exact moment, a thief (yes, a thief) shouted to the two lovely ladies as he fell into the punch bowl. (It's a very, very big punch bowl) Coming up stained in red he yelled out, "Hey girls! I found it!"

A few seconds later, an unknown chef came and drank the punch.

"Hmm…" the creature said, as he/she licked his or her lips messily, "not bad, me ask for recipe…"

Others on this night weren't dressed up for the occasion, unless you counted a familiar maester who was clad in a black leather jacket, gold chains and skull bandana mixed in with his out-of-style blue mop that he considered to be hair. Walking down the street with a familiar black man following him, he began to plot evil deeds in his mind.

"Hey foo! Why the hell are we here?" barked the black man with a gun on his arm.

"Revenge, my friend, sweet blood-thirsty revenge, hehehe," yelled the oddly dressed blue-haired freak.

"We a'int go no time for dat blue man, I gots to be home with Marlene before she gets after me for not taking our trick o' treatin'!"

"I'm sure Tromel will enjoy escorting your divine daughter wherever she wishes. I just need you here with me for the simply devastating deed that I've been plotting since four this morning against a devious group of foes…" Seymour replied.

"You sick man, but wat da hell I got nothing better to do, lead me to the white freaks…"

"You catch on quickly, I like that. Excellent, those fools will wish they'd never been born…"

"Who you callin' a foo? I pity the fool that calls me a foo!"

"Ehh, right! I said…you rule...dude!"

"What, you're gettin' a Dell?"

"Umm, let's just get back to the mission…"

"How we supposta travel man…" Barret asked.

"Easy…with my Harley…" Seymour announced as he snapped his fingers summoning a Harley motorcycle.

"Da-MN. Never would have expected this from a guy who needed a lesson in combing his own hair… You sure bring the surprises…

"I'll just simply pretend that my ears were full of an unknown substances when you said that. Now, let's ride like the wind…Giddy-up!" Seymour announced as he reved up the handlebars creating a screeching noise before he took the entire bike into midair and slammed his foot on the accelerator creating a loud roaring sound and a great cloud of gasoline mist.

Barret nearly flew off the HD as Seymour's reckless driving nearly cost him an arm and a leg…errr bad pun…

**END OF PART ONE**

Many adjustments have been made over the years, and as of 9/28/2004. That is the final copy. I think it'll prove to be a

_fun start for a good-size fic that is incomplete. And just wait, there's more friends and foes on the horizon! Read on to _

_Chapter 2! Please Rate and Review and let me know what you think, good or bad, I take criticism with honor ._


	2. Part 2

_**Author's Note**: Here's Chapter 2. Oh yes, I completed forgot our faithful copyright paragraph ._

"_I, the author, hereby do NOT own these FF characters/villains. They are the rightful property of Square-Enix. This fanfic is for personal entertainment only and not for profit, etc, etc. So keep the Law & Order cops and lawyers off my back...grrr...they're copyrighted too...I'll keep my mouth closed ."_

**PART 2  
**  
"So this is a haunted house...looks like a cheap imitation of my castle!" Garnet said in a not so-impressed type of tone. She turned her eyes to a grinning Zidane as he walked beside her up a flight of stairs.

"Not even close! Watch..." Zidane said as he pushed open the large castle doors. They creaked with enough tone to wake the dead. The sound of an organ echoed throughout the mansion.

"Eek! Who's playing that organ?" Garnet fretted as the haunting tune blared across the corridors of the castle.

"Ehh I have no idea...there wasn't an organ playing here before..." Zidane replied as he pressed forward to find the source of the mystery.

"Let's turn back Zidane, I'm scared!" Garnet worried as she clung to his shoulders.

"C'mon, let's check it out, where's your sense of adventure?"

"Umm, I left it back at the castle...!"

"Do you want me to tell you a story..."

"No, anything but that..."

"Once, there was a beautiful princess..."

"Zidane..."

"She wore tight yellow spandex..."

"Zidane!"

"...and woah was she hot!"

Garnet boiled as she slapped the gnome across the face with a force of brutality. Zidane was overtaken by surprise as he moaned aggressively. "MOMMY!"

"Wimp..." Garnet sighed.

"Look who's talking..." mumbled the gorilla-clad thief.

"You're so mean."

"Am not..."

"Are too!"

"Am not am not!"

"Are too are too!"

"Am not times a billion!"

"Are too times infinity plus infinity plus infinity!"

"No such thing!"

"SILENCE YOU MORTALS!!!!!!" came an exceeding loud voice from within the spooky stronghold. The castle corridor shock for a moment, and the trembling duo were sent flying into a wall full of knives, each on identical sides of the mansion.

"Garnet! You all right?" called out Zidane from across the room as he opened his eyes from the impact.

Garnet who nearly fainted at the sight of landing three inches from a pitchfork, composed herself and lifted her body off the wall, falling to the floor. Zidane, on the other side of the mansion, had landed two inches above a knife couldn't help but realize that just a little lower and he would have been lost his tail.

"And I thought Freya was scary..." he said.

Garnet who was on the brink of going crazy screamed out to the empty darkness.

"Who's there!" she roared.

"Just little ol' me you kursit krispy kan o kamikaze kokonuts!" replied a mysterious voice.

"Say what!" Zidane gasped.

"Hehehehehehehe!!!"

"Show yourself!" Zidane demanded as he jerked from side to side looking for sudden movements.

"Wahehehehe, hmm could be fun to torture you fools around a little while, my oh my oh myyyy."  
  
"Cut the crap stranger, this fic is starting to turn into a novel, skip to page fifty of your script!"

"Oh right...ahem " composed the mysterious figure, "It is I...the psychopath..."

The figure revealed himself dressed as a dark angel with wings. He looked more like an angel in disguise. He had the power to destroy the entire world, but with that came his annoying laugh that could cause terror in anyone's eyes...depending on how you looked upon it.

"You wouldn't happen to be Espers would you?" asked a crazed-Kefka.

"Espers?" questioned Garnet who gulped at the site of the beast. She knew she was in trouble, yet she saw his face and realized his makeup was so last year.

"Yes, entities of great power that I hunt and possess to become a god!"

"You mean Eidolons!" Zidane corrected.

"Whatever! I want their powers! Give them to me at once!" Kefka demanded.

"You want them, come and get them!" roared Zidane.

"Why do you fools always play it the hard way..."

"Umm, cause we're heroes?" Garnet grinned, for the first time in this fic.

"Shut up! I didn't ask for an answer...taste the bitten sweet end of your lives, ugggghhhhh...Ultimaaaaaaa!!"

Suddenly, a bright blue light erupted from the madman's fingertips as it spread outward. The blast exploded across the entire castle knocking the two fighters flat on their backs.

"Ugh...he's strong...but his Ultima sucks..." Zidane taunted.

"What! Are you making fun of my Ultima! It's the best graphical spell there is!!" claimed the madman.

"You don't get out much do you..." came another mysterious voice. (That makes two!)

"Huh? Who dares to speak to me with such bad manners?!"

"It's me!!! Miss me Zidane..." spoke the figure who was came in for a crash landing via a white dragon. Zidane could only gasp in horror as his sibling stood before him.

"Oh god, why does HE have to be in this fic!! Speaking of which...why am I in this fic?!" Zidane pouted before waiting to see what the two evil demons would do next. Garnet could only look on beside him.

Meanwhile, back on the streets. Sephiroth, Aeris and Cloud were heading to the next house.

"So...Aeris, why are you tagging along with us anyways?" inquired Sephy who was beginning to question the Ancient's intentions.

"I dunno, I just feel like following you to the ends of the earth, since you are a bloody killer!!" hollered Aeris.

"Oh c'mon, it wasn't that bad...just a flesh wound." Sephiroth bellowed as he made a slight imitation with his katana.

"Not that bad!! Oh please, how do you think it feels to have a big-ass blade impale through your chest like that!" Aeris corked a displeased frown at him.

"Ummm...it would hurt like hell...?"

"Johnny, show the miracle child what he's won...idiot..."

"It wasn't my fault! I swear! It was in the script... I couldn't afford to not get paid!" Sephiroth insisted.

"Well you gotta admit, it did have a big effect on the viewers...now everyone feels sorry for me!" (as if on cue, Aeris's Theme begins to play from out of no where) "La la la laaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Oh by the imperial gods! Make it stop!" cried a teary-eyed Sephiroth who fell to the pavement in agony as tears flooded from his eyes.

Aeris just stuck her tongue out at the masamune-carrying monster and went back to singing.

Sephiroth got up to his natural position and grumbled, "Either way, Cloud still belongs to Tifa... Have you noticed the sudden increase of Tifa x Clouds fanatics...?"

Aeris quickly stopped singing and responded with an angry, "Shut up!"

"You know...if you're really that desperate and jealous... I'm still single...OWW!" Sephiroth said before getting another whack from the Princess Guard.

"In your dreams slayer boy!" growled Aeris.

"Ugh...her bite is worst then her bark...errr...however that saying goes..."

"Cloud, are you paying attention?" Aeris said as she looked back towards emptiness.

Cloud meanwhile had left the scene and headed off to a nearby casino and was gambling away his life savings...

"Come on lucky 7! Bring it on home!" Cloud cheered as he rolled the dice.

Meanwhile, back at the party, Sabin had switched to the "Final Fantasy VIII battle theme." whereas off in another corner, a familiar group was talking nonsense.

"So Auron...what all do you have in that jug?" the tiny SeeD asked the master bladesman.

"You don't need to know...it's an adult thing Selphie..." replied Auron in his usual tone. Selphie, of course, was not going to take this answer to her liking.

"C'mon tell me! Pretty please!!! You gave some to Irvy!" Selphie begged to the much taller, more experienced fighter.

"Yeah, well he's not underage like you... Hmm, now that I think about it, how old is he? Ah heck, it doesn't matter, he's more mature than you..." Auron replied.

"whine You are a big meanie!"

Meanwhile over on top of the refreshment stand...

"Looky me Sefie, I'm a big plane, weee weeeee!!" gurgled Irvine as he fell off the table with a clunk.

"OO" was the expression on Selphie's face, as well as Auron's as he took a scent of his 'miracle water' and chuckled.

"Mayday, the Irvine Jet Express is down!" came an anonymous voice from behind the two.

"Booyaka!" Selphie laughed as she went over to help the drunken cowboy up.

"Yo squawky, where we goin?" barked Barret. The two had been riding for hours with no progress being made.

"To pick up some bounty hunters, I hear they are cheap on this particular night..." snickered the former maester.

"Whatever...les just git this ova wit foo..."

The two headed into a conveniently placed assassin shop where they were having a sale on bounty hunters, 5 for the price of 1 to be exact. Seymour and Barret had a hard time choosing which ones to bring along on their "quest".

"They are all so fantastic! I just can't decide." Seymour giggled as he began to hop around like a bunny rabbit.

"We a'int got all day foo, just take something."

"Fine, fine. Tightwad..."

Moments later, the duo walked out with Amarant, Shadow, Vincent, Seifer, and Laguna.

"Shadow, if your dog bites me, I'll summon my mom on your ass..."

With the roar of Seymour's Harley, Laguna, Vincent, Shadow, Amarant, Seifer and Barret held on for dear life as the former maester stepped on the gas at full-speed roaring down the highway at 150 mph. Surprisingly, the bike held firm with all 7 passengers aboard.

_**Author's Note**: Yes, I know it was a short chapter! But my goal is to show you what happens to each "party" in separate chapters... As the fic moves along, trust me, their will be more appearances by various characters, and more groups coming out of it... Read on to Part 3 and you know where to write those reviews to... _


	3. Part 3

_Author's Note: Here's Chapter 3. This is a fun one... ._

PART 3

"Yeooowwchhh! You're good, you're very good..." Kefka grinned as he held his left arm for a moment.

"Kefka wait!" screamed Kuja.

"Wait he says...do I look like a waiter!" laughed the psycho as he raced up the flight of stairs to the top of the castle.

"Well that takes care of them...." Garnet said as she walked into a courtyard with Zidane racing behind.

"Wait for me babycakes! Hey, it's the organ, wonder if I can still play my theme..."

And of course, as all true Final Fantasy VIII fans know, you don't play the organ unless you are asking for a death wish (or are exceedingly prepared aka high level). The room swirled, Final Fantasy VIII music played and out of the ground came Omega Weapon.

"Umm...Garnet..." Zidane said with classic anime style sweat drops appearing from his cheeks, while scratching his blonde hair.

"Yes my Angel of Death..." cooed Garnet as she had the sparkly-look in her eyes.

"RETREAT!!!"

roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Back at the party...Sabin had finally gotten the group together for a special announcement.

"Well well folks, let's give this wonderful young yellow bunny-rabbit girl a big hand for wanting to sing to us tonight, she's got spunk I tell ya!"

"Go weird-haired bunny-rabbit girl!" shouted a blitzball player with a Jamaican accent.

Next to him, Lulu eyed him sternly. "Wakka...."

Wakka sighed having tried to escape the inevitable, "....ya"

And so Selphie sang...as well as tap-danced to a jig being played by a group of familiar people, an instructor as a pirate, a spiked-hair blonde with a tattoo dressed as the red power ranger, a cowboy who was dressed as Alex Trebec, and an angel's dog as a cat.

"Train Train take us away, take us away, far away, into the future we will go, where we'll go, we don't know!"

In the background, Quistis was playing guitar, Zell was on bass guitar, Irvine, now sort of back to normal was playing on the flute. Angelo was just howling.

"Hmm, you know she's not half bad..." smiled Celes as she took two cards from a nearby deck.

"Better than you, when you were singing in the opera!" snickered Terra, as she took three cards from the same deck.

"Hey! You weren't even there first hand, sure I messed up on a few notes, but hey I rocked the house!"

"That's not what Setzer told me..."

"Quiet girl, I don't see a law that deals a two-headed coin a crime!"

"Ladies, ladies, come now...why must we fight over petty differences..." came the voice of a familiar king whom had come dressed as Zorro, still the ever-charming ladies' man.

"Edgar! If I'm not mistaken, you used a two-sided coin when you and Sabin chose your destines, correct?" Celes sneered as she immediately spotted the sweat slowly accumulating and shortly thereafter causing his mask to become soggy.

"Ummm...No..." replied Edgar, but not before a two-sided coin, moreover the same coin that was used to decide the fate of the Figaro brothers, from the past, slipped out of his pocket, and lore and behold if demanded by fate, the coin rolled to the foot of Sabin.

Clearly displeased with his brother, Sabin launched a blitz on the flirter, "Brother, you cad! Pummel!!!"

"Ouch...stop it Sabin...oh now I'm mad! Chainsaw!!!" bellowed Edgar as he brought out one of his many handle attack Tools.  
  
RATTATATATATATT! went the chainsaw in the shape of a "Z" across Sabin's chest.

"Boys will be boys," sighed Terra as she laid her cards down on the table. "Two Diamonds and a Chocobo."

"Thank goodness Locke isn't anything like those hams..." Celes grinned. "Lagomorph."

"Mugu Mugu." went the deck of cards.

"It's going to be a long night..." Terra sighed as she shook her head in discontent.

"We'd better find Cloud, I'm worried about him...if this wasn't Halloween, then I'd assume he could take care of himself..." Aeris said in a nervous tone as the sky began to erupt in lightning again. "Please Sephy, help me find him, please..."

"Fine, fine, I'll help you then, cut the 'sparkly-eyes before I killed you at the Ancient Capital' routine," growled the sliver-haired solider, "where do you want to start looking?"  
  
"Hmm, how about this place..." Aeris pointed to a large building that was having a 5 for 1 sale.

"A bounty-hunter shop?"

"You don't know Cloud like I do..."

"You're right, I don't...and I want to keep it that way!"

"C'mon!" Aeris whined as she tugged Sephy into the building.

Back at the casino, Cloud had just wasted his life-savings in a game of roulette, and his reaction:

"I just wanted to watch the ball go 'round and 'round...I didn't realize this game would be an addiction...wait am I even legal? ...Oh hell I need a drink..."

He walked over to the bar and ordered a "Summoner's Special" which by an ironic turn of events was prepared by Rydia.

"Hmm green hair...that's something you don't see everyday..." Cloud observed before downing the rest of his drink.

"Let's try this casino...Tidus has been known to waste a few gil on things from time to time..." Seymour suggested to the group as he parked his motorcycle into a parking space sideways causing damage to the surrounding cars. "Perfect parking!" the maester decalred.

"I'm hope we're getting paid for this..." mumbled Amarant as he was the first to fall off the bike and vomit on the blacktop.

"I have Yuna's wedding dress you can have, will that cover the bill?" Seymour inquired.

"Nevermind..." murmured Amarant as he suddenly wished he hadn't said anything at all.

The group entered the casino, lights sparkled everywhere, sounds of the machines rung across the air, and young women in bunny costumes stormed the area. Seifer couldn't help but trail after one.

"Oh good lord he's a feisty one..." laughed Seymour....

The bounty hunters looked at him in disbelief, suddenly questioning his gender...

"What?" retorted Seymour as he couldn't figure out for the life of him what he had said that had made his cohorts stare at him peculiarly.  
  
_**Author's Note**: Yes, you know I had to mention one of the most popular topics when discussing the villan of FF10, heh, when you think about it, Kuja may have run along the lines of gender issues as well, hehe... Anyways, continue onward! Part 4 awaits!_


	4. Part 4

_**Author's Note**: Here's Chapter 4. In come a few familiar freaks that we all know and love... And it's time for the Jeopardy, hehe... In comes a little SNL humor as well. ._

PART 4 

Meanwhile, back at the party. Everything had quieted down a bit after Selphie's train song routine. Irvine had started up a game of Jeopardy and him being Alec Trebec he was unfortunately the host. The cowboy was questioning a group of females about inappropriate stuff.

"Miss Freya Cresent...will you go out with me?" asked the sharpshooter.

"What?" replied the dragon knight, outraged by the perverse question.

"No, I'm sorry, the correct answer was 'when do you pick me up?' grinned Irvine as he began to blush a bit.

"Pervert...you didn't even ask the question in the form of an answer..." mocked Freya.

"Oops..."

The game continued with Freya still having control of the board.

"Irvine, I'll take your-an-idiot for 2 billion," Freya mocked.

"Err... that's not a category..." Irvine replied.

"THEN MAKE IT ONE!" the dragon knight demanded, sending forth a miniature earthquake throughout the room causing everyone to wobble off their feet.

"Err... let's move on to Final Jeopardy then, shall we?" snorted Irvine in response.

On the other side of the lounge...

"C'mon Squall, why are you such a social disaster? "questioned a tense Rinoa who was beginning to bore of his "whatever" routine. "It's Halloween, get with the program..."

"Whatev-" Squall began to say but was cut off.

"You know what I'm talking about...oh the hell...." Stomped Rinoa as she forced herself to scat from the monotone-like creature known as Squall. As she headed to the refreshement table, she peered for a second out the window and noticed as the stars had come out from their hiding that a shooting star was flying back. Her romantic nature kicked in as she calmed down and looked back towards her love...

"Oh look a shooting star, I wonder if my wish will come true..." Rinoa said as he looked toward Squall in a vivid way. Squall just scratched his head.

"Maybe...better to not jump to conclusions though," Squall replied in his ever-supportive way.

"I still remember that one night just a few months ago..."Rinoa smiled as she hid her hands behind her back and started to circle around Squall, with the playful strides of her feet doing the work for her.

"What is she up to?" Squall said to himself in his dream world.

"It was like something was missing..." Rinoa said as she lifted up her finger towards the clear sky. Squall blinked and suddenly his expression turned into confusion.

"Umm, aren't you getting carried away, we aren't ready to do that yet..." he replied nervously...

"What?" questioned Rinoa as she didn't quite get the picture that was developing in the Lionheart wielder's head.

"You just said you wanted too... and well, I don't want to carry anyone else's burden."

"Squall! I didn't mean that..."

"Then what was with this..." Squall questioned as he repeated the finger motion Rinoa had done but with a different finger...the finger he had thought Rinoa had exposed.

"SQUALL! We're trying to keep THIS FIC PG-13!"

"!#$&!#&#&#&&##$&#$&&$#!#$&!" replied the gunblade specialist.

slap went the palm of Rinoa as it whacked Squall across the face in the ever-classic lady's fashion.

"What! I didn't say #$ &$ &$#!"

slap

"Stop slapping me"

slap

"Ok, it's really starting to hurt now..."

SLAPPPPPPP

"Can't....keep.....standing...."

slap

"....pain......pain......"

slap slap slap

"Whenever sang my songs..."

slap

"I gotta find sis..."

slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap

"Rinoa, the readers are getting the wrong idea of us...again..."

KAPOW!!!! (6.6 on the scale)

With his face burning of the redness, Squall fell flat on his face unconscious with a loud thud...In other words; it was lights out for the commander.

Rinoa looked over at him and couldn't help but feel guilty as she stared down at the still body of her so-called devotee...

"Wonder if I hit him too much... Oh, where's a Full-Life when I need one...Hmm...I wonder what's in this punch..." Rinoa couldn't resist the scent of the punch, so she took a cup-full and vanquished the drink in one gulp. Her face started to turn a bright pink, and moments later; she fell down backwards right on top of Squall.

Passing on by, Cid Highwind chuckled to the unconscious couple. "Damn, young people just can't wait to start these days...everyone's getting into the act..." he chuckled before leaving to go outside to smoke a cigarette.

"Zidane...I think we're far enough away from that monster now, can't we stop somewhere...my legs hurt..." called out Garnet to the runaway thief spiriting ahead of her.

"Alright...whew, I haven't had a workout like that since running away from those monsters in the Evil Forest..." Zidane agreed as he sat down on a nearby park bench.

Garnet, not really having a choice, sat down next to the exhausted young man with a tail.

"I'm sorry Garnet, I didn't realize all the trouble we'd get ourselves into tonight," apologized Zidane as he begin to take off his gorilla mask.

"That's okay Zidane...I'm used to being put into tight situations like that, beside, we're safe now and that's all that matters right?" comforted Garnet as she held Zidane's hand.

"You're a true friend Garnet...I don't know what my life would be without you..." Zidane brightly smiled as he squeezed her hand tightly.

"Aww...Zidane..." Garnet smiled as she laid her head down on Zidane's lap...Zidane just smiled and stroked her gentle black hair..."

"Garnet..." said a tense Zidane as he stopped stroking her hair. "You remember that time I carried you underneath Dali Village..."

"Why, of course...we had to hide from those workers creating the black mages..."

"Well, I may have to do that again because we GOT COMPANY!!!" shouted Zidane as he grabbed her small body and carried her, dashing away from the oncoming Omega Weapon...

"Ekkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!" screeched Garnet as she held on to Zidane for dear life. "Mach 3 Zidane...now!!!"

"Yes M'am.." replied the sprinter.

"Are we lost again?" Shadow asked, with his dog barking shortly thereafter. Along with the other bounty hunters and Seymour, the group had found itself in the middle of hundreds of slot machines, and they could barely find a way out, literally feeling as though they were in a maze.

"How can you get lost in a Casino? Even puberty boy would know where to go at a time like this...but then again his father would have brought the wrong map for sure," Seifer snickered.

"Hey! Don't rub it in!" Laguna whined.

"Why do they build 'dem so damn big..." snorted Barret, recalling fond memories of ShinRa Headquarters' back in Midgar and the nightmarish time he was forced by Cloud's stupidity to climb up all sixty floors just to reach the breeching point. He remembered it as being a life or death situation.

"How the hell should I know?" sneered Amarant gazing up at the many floors that were visible from their current viewpoint.

"Hey, let's ask that blonde kid over their where we are, the one that appears to be using too much hair gel..." Seymour suggested.

The group of hunters went over to the drunken spiky-haired swordsman, who was barely able to stand on his feet as he was clearly intoxicated by an interesting substance. His breath reeked of something between chalk and vinegar.

"Hello sir...how do you do, you see, we're...." Seymour began but was quickly interrupted by a familiar tune.

"Go now...if you want it, an Otherworld awaits you..." the swordsman with the Buster sword roared as he tried to sing, but was way off tune.

"Oh good lord, do not tempt me with that song..." Seymour grinned as he began to head bang like there was no tomorrow..."

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHTTT FIGHT FIGHT FIGGHTTTTTT!!!" howled Cloud as he began to lose his voice..."

Seymour took over from that point on... "FIGHT FIGHHT FIGHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!" he screeched as he broke every shade of glass within a two-mile radius...

"Hmm, don't know my own strength...Tidus will suffer now with my newfound power! Wahahahehehe!!" laughed Seymour as he jumped into a huge roulette wheel and claimed it to be a ride.

"Mary had a little lamb..." Cloud cried as he fainted on the marble flooring.

"What was that?" Aeris said in a tone of terror as she could had sworn she heard some hard rockers break several shards of glass or something equivalent to it.

"Someone trying to sound like Metallica..." Sephy sighed. "They need to turn it down..."

"Who's Metal-Licka?" Aeris asked.

"Oh I did not just hear that...where have you been the last six years?" Sephy asked the young ancient.

Aeris gave him the death glare. Sephy's eye rose as he scratched his head "Right...I forgot..." he groaned as he contrasted his future with that of a cutting sound with his finger gilding across his neck.

"Let's go find out...if this is Metal-Licka, I wanna see!" beamed Aeris as she hopped up and down a bit, her excitement growing with each passing second.

"Girl, keep saying it like that and you're be back in the Lifestream before you can say 'knights of the round'..." Sephy glared.

A short while later, the sliver-haired titan and the Ancient came upon the ruminates of Cloud, who was still out cold, but now drooling on the pavement right in front of the Casino entranceway...

"Cloud!" Aeris shrieked as she kneeled down besides him and took his head in her lap. "Poor Cloud, I think he's had enough fun for one day..." Aeris sighed.

"You aren't suggesting he...did it...are you...?" Sephy said in a shocked tone, referring to the smile that was on his rival's face.

"You are so nasty!!" Aeris hissed as she walloped some sense into the great dark angel, for the second time all night. 

"Why me..." Sephy grunted as he turned once sideways and fell on top of Cloud.

"Oops...I didn't mean to hit so hard..." Aeris giggled as she gazed down at the two powerhouses, smiling at their peaceful inert states.

"Hey Aeris..." came a familiar voice from afar. "Woah...and I thought Rinoa and Squall had it rough...this is getting messed up..." Cid Highwind groused as he kneed down to observe the pair more closely.

"Must be Tifa's influence..." Aeris again sighed as she and Cid attempted to drag the two soldiers inside the Casino.

_**Author's Note**: Wahahaha, for all you Tifa fans, just wait, she has a fairly large role in this fic... And Cloud and Sephiorth will make their returns momentarily. But I bet you are just dying to see what happens to the others. Will Zidane and Garnet ever escape Omega Weapon? Has Seymour found Tidus yet? Will Freya win the final round of Jeopardy? All those questions and more await you in Part Five! But before that, why not R & R, you know you want to . _


	5. Part 5

_**Author's Note**: Time now for the fifth part/chapter. Nothing much more to say except that I hope you like it and please remember that I don't own any of these characters, except for perhaps the random characters that appear in this fic. All FF characters belong to Square-Enix, and Alex Trebec I'm sure has his own company and whatnot, heh heh… READ!  
_

PART 5 

It was now roughly 10 p.m., and the party was beginning to heat up. Rinoa and Squall had been hurled off into a taxicab to a nearby hospital. Celes and Terra were still playing cards for the seventy-eighth time. Sabin had handed the DJ position to Edgar after getting the crap beaten out of him. Gau had found 10-year old Relm in the corner and asked her to dance, reluctantly she accepted. Meanwhile a new couple had entered the club.

"Yuna! You're finally here, what took you so long, ya?" Wakka asked as he saw the young summoner enter dressed as a blitzball player ()

"Oh Wakka…" she pouted. "I'm sorry, but Tidus and me were looking for costumes…" the former-summoner replied as she pulled up the rather baggy pants that she was wearing, blue with a red symbol on one of the legs.

"At the last minute?" Lulu said, stepping into the conversation.

"Well, you know Tidus…he has to be dramatic about it…" Yuna smiled as she rolled her eyes a bit.

A few seconds later, the door busted open to reveal a man with spiky golden hair, but he wasn't wearing his usual attire, no-no, and the reaction from his friends clearly proved it. Yuna fittingly giggled at the site of her love in a costume she had once grown so fond of. She leg out a giggle as he approached closer, his hands on his waist almost mockingly telling the crowd 'Look at me, don't I rule?'

"Tidus! You didn't!!" Yuna laughed as she blushed feverishly at the same time.

"You betcha!" the blitzball player said as he turned a bright maroon that equaled the one of the summoners'. Lulu and Wakka gathered closer and told a hold of the fabric to feel if it indeed was real or not, sure enough it was.

"Good heavens…Tidus…you look pretty silly…" Lulu said as she actually began to chuckle a bit…a first!

"Brudda…you got guts, I give ya that…" Wakka said as he playfully nuzzled Tidus's head.

"Ow! Quit it!" Tidus laughed as he re-adjusted his earrings.

"Tidus, just once I'd like to see you whirl that staff around…" Yuna playfully said as she took hold of his hand and raised it.

"Ehh…maybe…later…" came his reply, as he was already wondering what he had gotten himself into.

"Quick Zidane…turn left!! Now right!!" Garnet cried as she ordered her angel directions down the street. The gap between them and Omega Weapon began to widen.

"I…had…better…get…a…kiss…for…this…" Zidane wheezed as he continued to run down the street passing traffic left and right. Then, seeing the cars thin out, he took a good look to see how far back Omega Weapon was.

But just as quickly as he had done that… "Zidane, watch out for the semi!!!" screamed the queen, but Zidane couldn't put the brakes on in time, thus the couple crashed into the back of the semi at full force.

"Ow…" Garnet said before passing out.

"I can't feel my tail…" Zidane said as he followed swiftly. The two laid on the brink of death in the semi, their fates to be determined.

Seymour and company had long left Cloud as he had wondered out of the Casino on his own two feet, of course not in a straight line. But suddenly, it seemed the tides were turning on the maeaster as he felt the chattels of his purchase stall farther and farther behind. Finally he stopped and looked back at the hunters and inquired their reason for not following him.

"Oh no, not this time fish-face…" Seifer said as he shook his head in dismay.

"How dare you! I gave life to you…I can take it away!" Seymour countered.

"Emm…actually you bought us at a store…." Vincent butted in.

"I can't believe I was on clearance! How dare they treat me as if I am obsolete… I want a rain-check!" Laguna snarled as he peeled off the $.22 off his belt. "Good for nothing imprudent laborers from China!"

"Laguna…you weren't manufactured, nor would I see a demand for your cloning anytime soon…" Seifer laughed as he dodged a quick repulse from the overacted fool.

"Whatever!" Seymour butted in, "You are all my property and you will do what I say!"

The bounty hunters merely looked at Seymour with red-glowing eyes and pointed their weapon(s) at him. He would have been killed on the spot if he hadn't created this sensational deal.

"Who's up for tacos?"

"Now for the final Jeopardy question, I will repeat the answer…and the answer is: "What sharpshooter destroyed the sorceress with one bullet?" And let's see what you all wrote…" said Irvine, still dressed as Alec Trebec, but now with a baseball catcher's mask over his face.

"Freya Crescent, you wrote…

'Who is nobody…'

I'm sorry, but SOMEBODY did kill the sorceress with one bullet. But, oh hell, let's look at your wager…

'Zero'.

I see you are playing it safe…"

"No one's safe when I'm around Trebec…." Freya roared as she jumped up in the air and came down crashing Irvine's podium with her Dragon Lance.

"I hope you know that's going on your bill for the night…Moving on…Eiko Carol, that young moogle-loving summoner, let's see what you wrote…'Who is Vincent…' You bimbo! How dare you mention him in front of me, why! He couldn't even get a lady in the entire FF7 game!"

'

"I know…but he's still hot…and his fan-base is huge!" Eiko replied sighing romantically with her fingertips brushed along her cheeks.

"Aren't you a little young to be thinking about a man in his twenties…" Irvine inquired as he corked an eyebrow at the young summoner.

"I can always dream…."

"Well you're still a hussy…"

"What did you call me! Madeen!!!" Eiko cried as she summoned her lion that nearly smashed Irvy to itty bitty tiny weenie bits. When the chaos diminished, he came out from under his scorched hat, somehow still in one piece.

"And thanks to you, you owe me a hat…oh well, just for fun, let's see your wager…"

'100 gil…and Vincent's so dreamy!! 4 LIFE!'

Well…no big loss for you girl…"

"100 GIL! THAT'S MY LIFE-SAVINGS!"

"Riigghttt….and Vincent's going to come running here right now hmmm…" Irvine said, rolling his eyes and Eiko who could only tense up wondering if that indeed was going to happen. She frantically looked around for any signs, but sorrow took it's place in her heart as he was no where to be found, so she simply stuck her tongue out at Irvine.

But then all of a sudden, a loud screech from outside was heard from outside the door. Then loud footsteps worked into a gallop were heard and coming through the door was none other than Vincent himself, but not in his usual attire. He was dressed all in black, with a yellow utility belt, black cape, black boots, black armor, and a black hood with pointy-tipped ears.  
Yes, Vincent Valentine, loner to the world was dressed as Batman.

"Eiko baby! I'm here, you're black knight!!" the cape crusader said.

"VINNYY!! I'm gonna faint! Ahhhh!!!" screamed Eiko before passing out.

"I…am…BATMAN!!" screamed the Cape Crusader before making off with Eiko out into the night…

Irvine called out after him… "For the last time! No, you're not! Someone, please destroy the bat signal…"

With that being said, "Alex" moved on to the next contestant, who by all means was a beauty, respectively, and Irvine did put on quite a show.

"Finally the moment I've been waiting for… nobody except me say hello to Miss Tifa Lockheart…"

If this hadn't been a fanfic, Irvine eyes would have defied the laws of gravity, because they about went bonkers across the room after getting a good eye load on Tifa.

Despite Irvy's warning, all the guys in the audience went wild as well. Tifa's reaction was as simple as sticking her tongue out at everybody…whether that was to say "I'm better than you," or a simple, "Stop that!" no one will know.

"Oooo …tongue….eh hem!" composed Irvine. God you look fine today…Miss Lockheart"

"Thank you Alex…" mumbled Tifa.

"If I wasn't under a contract for tonight's party, I'd gladly end the game now and say you're the winner…'cause believe me, you're all that and a bag of Doritos." Irvine grinned as he did the little "bang" motion with his finger.

Tifa let out a widely sarcastic "Huh?" in response, clearing not getting hitched up from his moves and moreover confused by his personality in whole.

Ehh, nothing, so how about you and me head to this nice little French café I know up the street…hmmm?" proposed the sharpshooter, as he was just about ready to sweep her off into the night just as 'Batman' had just done minutes earlier with Eiko.

"Sorry Alex, I'm taken…" Tifa revealed as she held up a handsome picture of Cloud, her love.

"IRVY!!!" came a voice from the audience, who was none other than…

"Hey, who said that? No one calls me that but…ooooh hey…" Irvine said after finding out the true identity behind the voice that had spoken his name.

Selphie, who had been watching the whole time, came rushing onto the stage, still in her yellow bunny costume. With the glare of death, she grabbed Irvine by the ear and proceeded to a private room, where some loud slapping and whining could be heard shortly thereafter.

Tifa, still sitting at her podium, gave the "V" for victory signal sending the entire crowd into a mass riot. Literally all hell broke loose at that moment.

"Ekkkk, I'm being flattened by hundreds of single men! Oh the humanity!" Tifa said as she was mobbed by her surroundings.

Back at the card tables, Celes and Terra had just now noticed the brawl going on around them, and decided to step in as well.

"The game was getting boring anyway!" Terra said before casting Fire3 on an unidentified male around her.

"Nothing like a good brawl to loosen up the joints, hehe…" Celes grinned as she pummeled a nearby figure with her fist.

At another area of the room, Gau was biting everything that came into contact with him, while Relm was painting portraits and utilizing the abilities she acquired from her victims.

Sabin, who was at another corner of the room, began to blitz everyone that came in his way; Edgar on the other hand was embracing every attack since it seemed to be coming from females.

"Keep it coming ladies! I'll take on anything and everything!" he grinned as he was horded to the ground.

Just then a familiar swordsman walked…err stumbled into the party. His glowing eyes starred at everyone who in return starred back at him. Unaware of what was going on around him, his only response was a simple word.

"Hic!"

The Ex-SOLDIER did a triple somersault and passed out right at the entranceway. A few brawlers stopped for a moment to give him a rouse of applause, but it didn't last long as the riot was quickly back in session.

"Sephy…I'm tired…and hungry…." whined Aeris, her walk had now decreased to a mere crawl.

"For someone who's suppose to be the savoir of the planet, you sure are weak…" chuckled Sephiroth who quickly got the stern eyes of the Ancient.

"Do you need another reminder of how WEAK I am Sephy…." growled Aeris who was already beginning to conjure up a spell to lay waste upon the super-titan.

"No…not really…" grinned a nervous Sephiroth who bowed in apology. "If you insist, I shall carry you to a area of retreat…Aeris…"

"Why…Sephy, that's the nicest things you've ever said to me…" Aeris smiled as she allowed Sephiroth to take her hand.

"Even almighty god-like beings such as myself can be good too…once in a while…" Sephiroth beamed as he carried the worn-out young girl in his arms.

"Kiss me…Sephiroth…" adored Aeris as they were less than six inches apart.

"Okay, now you're pushing it…" the silver-haired Masamune wielder divulged.

"Hey, where did Cloud go?" Aeris asked as she looked around the two of them for any signs of the spiky-haired imbecile. Once again, Cloud had disappeared…

_**Author's Note**: Yes, so we've got a Cloud and Tifa moment with the picture thing. Aeris and Cloud really haven't done too much yet except for the fact that Aeris seems to always be wondered where Cloud is, or how Cloud is doing. And now, Aeris and Sephiroth, despise arguing over petty differences in the beginning are starting to…get involved with each other a tad. So in other words, I've basically pleased everyone…I hope, lol. There will be much more romance in the next chapter and you'll get to see what happened to Rinoa and Squall too! And what about Vincent and Eiko? What dastardly plans to those two have? (I promise nothing R rated, lol) There's lots more coming up, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel…_


	6. Part 6

_**Author's Note**: Part Six. Part Six. Part Six. Part Six! Read to your heart's content! Tsk tsk though, it's a short chapter!  
_

**PART 6**

"Zidane! Wake up!" cried a tense Garnet who was pushing relentlessly on the snoring ape.

"Mmm…Garnet…I want you now…Oh baby…" mumbled Zidane in his sleep.

SLAP!

"OKAY! WHERE'S THE FIRE!"

"Are you awake now Zidane?" asked Garnet, who still wasn't completely sure after hearing what she had just heard.

"Couldn't be better…so umm…where are we?" Zidane replied grinning cheekily at Garnet again.

"Sigh…we're still in the back of a semi after you nearly got us killed…" Garnet mumbled as she pointed to the large opening in the back of the semi, where they could see the outside world from within.

"Whoo boy…what a night this is turning out to be…" Zidane groans as he twists a joint-pain out from within his back.

"Yes, so what do you suggest we do next…"

"Can't really do anything, let's just enjoy the ride and see where this semi will take us…"

"You know…if we do that, we might be here forever…and I wanna get busy tonight…" Garnet enticed wiggling her finger underneath her lover's chin.

"Okay, we can leave now if you want wink" grinned the tail-bearing Gnome.

"Works every time…you never cease to amaze me Zidane…" giggled the princess.

Zidane open the back door of the semi and was going to jump out when Garnet tugged him back.

"Heyyy….what's the big idea?" he asked.

"You're not just going to jump out into moving traffic are you?" questioned Garnet.

"Of course, with my speed and agility, I could maneuver any obstacle!" beamed the confident monkey boy."

"You're an idiot…"

"Damn straight…now watch…"

Zidane jumped out from the semi and straight into a moving red car crashing through the windshield. Amazing enough, he was perfectly fine, and he pushed out the driver and claimed the vehicle for himself. Garnet still on the semi, just looked on with teary-eyes. All of a sudden the semi came to a stop and Garnet stepped down with ease. Zidane, meanwhile came cruising up besides Garnet giving his ever-famous cheeky grin.

"Zidane! Why did you push that innocent driver out of their own car?"

"Umm…they told me they didn't like this car, and since I was just passing by, they said I could have it…pretty neat huh…" Zidane grinned as he honked three times.

"Scoot over…I'm driving…you're in no shape to drive boy…" Garnet suggested as she noticed the rather large skid marks behind the vehicles' resting position.

"Crap…"

Meanwhile, at a nearby Taco Bell, a familiar Maester and his colleagues were enjoying…well what else…tacos…

"Mmmm! Good tacos eh boys?" Seymour said with 4 tacos in his mouth.

"That's disgusting! Don't talk with your mouth full!" shouted Laguna who was getting high off Mountain Dew Code Red.

"But it's not full!" Seymour whined before stuffing another taco into his mouth, "#$&!#$!"

"What did he say?" asked Shadow.

"He said now his mouth is full…" Amarant revealed.

"I think I'm gonna throw up…" Seifer said before vomiting over in a nearby trash bin.

"Are we getting paid for this?" Shadow asked as he gave his dog Interceptor a taco.

"Umm…I dunno foos…" said Barret.

"Shit…we should have left when Vincent did, knowing him he's probably having more fun then we are…" Amarant sighed.

"Vinny!!! I wanna drive the Batmobile!" demanded a hyperactive Eiko.

"You can when you're older…now wait…was I suppose to take a left turn there…" Vincenet murmurs as he soon found out he was completely lost.

"Vinny!!! You're going down a one-way street!" Eiko screeched as a band of incoming cars were heading in their direction.

Batman doesn't have any concern for one-way streets; I've seen him in the movies, he drives like this…." Vincent said before turning on the astro-burners.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee!!!!!!"

"This should relax you…" Vincent said as he put a CD into the CD player…

"BATMANNNN!…..nenanenanenanena! BATMANNNN!!!" went the CD player.

Meanwhile, Vincent and Eiko both were head banging to the music not even taking a care on the road, or moreover the several cars that had to dodge the reckless driving of the Cape Crusader.

"We lost that idiot again…god this Halloween wasn't suppose to be us chasing him all night…" Sephiroth yawned before looking towards Aeris.

"I know…but I'm not about to let Tifa have him! I waited years for this moment!" Aeris growled.

"You came back on Halloween just to get with him? That's sad…" Sephiroth hooted.

"Isn't this the holiday that you give gifts to those you love…oh kibble and bits…that's Valentine's Day! Ahhhh!"

"Well look on the bright side, it's not everyday some hot girl comes back to life on Halloween…" Sephiroth hinted as he gave a low growl in playful humor.

"I don't know whether to love you for that or to kill you Sephiroth…"

"Ehh, the first choice was nice…"

"DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"Hellllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppp!!!, MAD ANCIENT!!! CALL THE FBI!!! CALL THE SWAT TEAM!!!!!"

"Tidus! You even shaved your legs so you could wear the costume of the summoner! You went all out tonight didn't you?" asked Yuna.

"You betcha I did…besides, who's ever heard of a summoner with leg hairs," Tidus chuckled.

"Well there was one my father mentioned about…but oh forget it…where's Rikku and Kimahri?"

"I don't know, I thought they'd be here already…" Tidus had believed, yet still there was no vision of them in sight.

"I heard they'd be here pretty soon…I just got a call on my sphere-phone that they should be driving up in a few minutes ya…" Wakka disclosed.

"Who's driving?" Tidus asked.

"Kimahri, who else…" Lulu said.

"Didn't he…"

"Yes…he did, but Rikku's not old enough to drive yet…"

"Hope they get here in one piece…" Yuna said nervously.

"Probably not…ya," Wakka said.

"Anyways…Tidus when are you going to whirl my staff! I want to seeeee!" Yuna said excitably.

"Ok, I'll do it…whoosh"

"EEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!" Yuna squealed as she just about went nuts over Tidus.

"Kimarhi Ronso! Slow down!!!" cried a tense Rikku who was in the passenger seat of a semi.

"Kimarhi no slow down…Kimarhi in a hurry…" the cat-like creature replied as he suddenly dodged what appeared to be the Batmobile and two reckless teenagers. (hehe, you know who I'm referring to)

"Ack, damn teenagers…wait, I AM ONE!" Rikku shrieked. "Never mind that, about your driving Kimarhi, You've ran every stoplight in town, so you better slow down or you're going to get us arrested… I'll look back when I have to get a license!"

"Kimarhi go faster…." Kimarhi grinned as he hit the gas as hard as he could sending the semi into acceleration mode.

"CRED!!!!" Rikku screamed in her foreign tongue.

"Rikku need mouth washed out with soap…" Kimarhi said.

_**Author's Note**: Okay, so now we've got Rikku and Kimarhi in the picture, so how many characters does that beef the grand total to? Hehe, I couldn't even count so you do the math! Rinoa and Squall for you FF8 lovers out there should be in the next chapter. And we'll find out what happens to everyone else including Kefka and Kuja! Stay tuned!_


	7. Part 7

_**Author's Note**: Part 7 freaks! So let's keep it going, shall we? As always Square-Enix owns all FF characters.  
_

**PART 7**

"So Garnet…" began a curious Zidane, "When did you get your license?"

Garnet who was momentarily stopped at a stoplight turned towards her young savior and smiled. "Well, remember that time you let me drive the airship?"

"Yeah…the time we were being chases by the Black Waltz, that was some awesome driving…" grinned Zidane.

"(teehee) Thanks Zidane, well after I put you all to sleep with that medicine you gave me, I went over to the Department of Transportation and they said I could have it without taking the test, believing that after doing some fancy driving on the airship that it wasn't necessary."

"Lucky! I had to take a driving test four times before I got my license…"

"Now I see why Steiner has been uptight the last few days…"

While, the couple was distracted, the light ahead of them turned green signaling "go", and someone behind them was not too pleased to see that they weren't paying attention.

"Heyyyyyy you morons! Are ya blind! Get a move on! The light is greennnnn!!" screamed the unidentified shadow coming from behind the vehicle, which was followed by a loud roar of a motorcycle.

"How rude! I should give them a piece of my mind!" Garnet pouted as she was about to put the car into drive.

"Umm…Garnet let me handle this…its Halloween Night, I don't want you to be injured…" Zidane said before stepping out of the car into moving traffic.

Garnet sighed, 'Hurt?! What have I been feeling all evening?!"

"Excuse me kind sir, and extremely dangerous and armed assassins…" Zidane began in his typical voice of conformation. "The lady and I were having a delightful conversation, the least you could do is wait until we are finished and then proceed on your way…"

"Where the hell are you from? We live in a society where the lights guide us, when they are green we 'go' and when they are 'red' we stop…well most of us do anyways…"

"What? You let lights decide your fate…that's pathetic," Zidane laughed.

"Boys…destroy this pitiful thief and let us be on our way to find Tidus…"

"Umm…sir," went Shadow, "after a short meeting between our little council here, we have decided to vote against your decision."

"Wait a minute, who do you guys think you are the Senate or something? I am your master and…"

It happened once and was about to happen again, all the eyes surrounding Seymour turned red and blades of destruction were brought to his neck…

"More…tacos? …Umm, I'm broke..."

The assassins were still hungry so to crave their hunger they continuously slapped Seymour to a bloody pulp and rode off with his Harley.

"…Boy no wonder you guys were on sale…" he said before collapsing.

"Bye bye!" grinned Zidane as he stepped back into the convertible that Garnet was driving…

"So, do I dare even ask how it went?" asked Garnet who was now listening to her own theme in the CD player of the car.

"Not too bad really…I didn't do a thing…oh well, let's go…"

"Umm…Zidane…"

"What?"

"The light's red again…and a train is going past…"

"Crap…oh well that reminds me of a song I heard from someone…"

"Lord, please don't let him sing, anything but that…" Garnet said as she cranked up her theme louder.

"Train, train…"

"Vinnny! Stop the car, I think I'm gonna be sick…" Eiko complained as she was starting to turn a slime green in the cheeks.

"Fine, fine, let's stop at this Casino…I need to gamble some of my spare change…" Vincent decided as he screeched the Batmobile to a halt.

"Urp…thank you god thank you god…" Eiko prayed as she fell out of the Batmobile upon opening it.

"Poor kid…this is going to dampen my image…oh well, time to gamble 10 gil…"

Vincent took a few steps towards the Casino and then noticed two familiar faces off in the distance…

"SEPHIROTH!!!"

"Yep, that's my name, don't wear it out!!!"

"…and Aeris…"

"Hey! How come I don't get my name in caps and with exclamation points…"

"'Cause to most people you aren't evil…well except all Tifa fans…oops…" Sephiroth chuckled before realizing his grave error.

"Sephiroth, it's time to show you a few tricks I learned in the Lifestream…" Aeris giggled madly as she summoned a tall dark creature of the planet.

"No…Not…Ultimate Weapon!!!"

"GRAND HYPER-ACTIVE-MULTI-STINGING SLAPFEST!" called out U.W. as it glowed a dark purple.

**SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!**

Sephy, nearly wasted and on the cement, looked up at the young Ancient holding a white flag "...Aeris...about that kiss…"

"You owe me quite a few kisses boy…"

"Sheesh, when I was God, I had no fear of this, oh lord help me…"

Well Sephiroth must have kisses Aeris a thousand times before she was satisfied, but for the sake of this fic, we're say time stopped for this moment. It was pure perfection and the more Sephiroth kissed the beautiful young girl, the more he enjoyed it…sorta. Enter vivid romantic imagination here. .

Back at the par-ty...

"Again!" Whoosh "AGAIN!" Whoosh" continued Yuna as she commanded Tidus to whirl the summoner staff.

"Yuna…I hope we plan on doing more tonight then allowing me to whirl your staff…" Tidus groaned as he felt his arm go limp.

"Well…if it wasn't so cloudy and dreary tonight, I'd say, we could go outside and…you know…"

"Hmm…you've got me intrigued…but umm…"

Just as Tidus was having second thoughts, a loud "BOOOOOOM!" was heard outside, amazingly the riot surrounding Tifa stopped and everyone went outside to see what had happened.

"Kimahri! I told you that you should have let me drive! Even though I'm not licensed, I could have done way better than you! Cat's can't freakin' drive!"

"Kimahri crashed on purpose, it Ronso's way of parking…"

"You come from a strange culture Kimahri…"

"Kimahri! Rikku! You okay?" Wakka asked rushing up to the busted semi.

"Ehh….I think so, I don't think anything's broken…well except the usual…" Rikku replied holding her right arm.

"Kimahri! I'm gonna tell Kelk Ronso about this!" Yuna whined as she took out a sphere phone and began dialing the Kelk's number.

"NO Yuna no do that…Kimahri lose license for that…or worse…village laugh at me…"

"Okay, Mr. Kitty, we'll let you off easy this time," Tidus said giving in to the young warrior, "but next time, no running through stop signs, red means stop, not bull-charge, use turn signals and don't forget, breaks DO exist…"

"Better yet Kimahri, why don't you just re-read the whole driving manual…" Yuna suggested.

"Er…what driving manual?" Kimarhi asked pulling out what appeared to be a porno mag...

"Garnet…not to intrude or anything but I'm hungry!" pouted Zidane as he covered his stomach in agony.

"Well for once Zidane, I'd have to agree with you, we haven't had anything to eat in this fic! How does the author expect us to do our stuff on an empty stomach?" snorted Garnet.

Zidane put his hand in a nearby bag and pulled out a king-size Snickers bar.

"Where did you get that?!" Garnet said with wide-eyes drooling with desire.

"The person who had this car must have bought candy sometime ago, well we'd better not disappoint him…" grinned Zidane as he stuffed two king-size Snicker bars into his mouth.

Garnet, having a guilty conscience for all the candy the owner had bought, slapped Zidane and took the two bars out of his mouth at the same time. "We can't eat up this candy, he was probably going to hand it out to trick-or-treaters tonight!"

"Well, aren't we the trick-or-treaters?" protested Zidane who attempted to resume eating the king-size Snickers.

Garnet pulled it back out of his mouth and threw it into the street. "The only right thing to do is to give this candy to the trick-or-treaters…"

Zidane sighed and looked up at his princess. "Of course, you're right Garnet, I'm sorry for being so selfish…"

The princess smiled as she gave Zidane a small peck on the cheek. "You're feel better about it later on Zidane…"

"I hope so, my stomach sure won't like it though…"

Garnet whose eyes had caught something upsetting in the road slowed the car to a crawl and urged Zidane to look to their left.

"Looks like an accident, let's see if we can be of any help," Garnet suggested.

"What in the…it's a cat…and a sugar-active teenager…reminds me of Eiko…"

"Zidane!"

Zidane took a second look and grinned. "She's got breasts too…"

**Slap!**

"Err, but not as big as yours…"

Garnet took out her racket and gave Zidane a huge **KAPOW!**

"OW!! Aw forget it! You women are so hard to please these days!"

"So what do we do now that we have Seymour's bike Seifer?" asked Amarant.

"What else, we have a little fun!" replied the gunblade specialist.

"Foos, look out!" Barret shouted as Seifer ran over a conveniently placed king-size Snickers bar.

"Shiiiiiiiitttttttttt!" roared Seifer as he and the gang spun outta control into a video game shop. Lucky for them, the place had closed up for the night and their wasn't a security system to cause chaos.

"Ehhhh, everyone okay? Not like I care…" Amarant asked into the darkness.

"I need light man…" Seifer said holding his head. "I'm blind!"

"Yes! Now I can finally say I didn't do it!" laughed Laguna.

Meanwhile, the barking of a familiar dog was heard in the primacies.

"What is it Interceptor?" Shadow asked his faithful canine as he took a cd case from the dog's mouth… "Final Fantasy 7…?"

"Who's the dude with the sword…" Amarant asked.

"Some dude who's been using too much hair gel…if I didn't know better I'd say he had a gunblade…damn that's a long ass one…" Seifer shockingly said.

"Damn, check out the graphics…I'm so ashamed…" Shadow pouted.

"You lived in a dark-age my friend…" Laguna said.

"Ugh…someone help me…" plead a nearly unconscious Seymour who was still in the middle of the street where he had lost his Harley. "I've fallen…and I can't get up!"

Noting but the sound of an alley cat was heard in the air.

"This sucks…"

"Eiko, you can't enter the Casino, you're not old enough, for some strange reason they have laws prohibiting people under the age of 21 to enter this establishment." Vincent revealed to the young summoner who was pouting outside.

"That's so like…unfair…" Eiko pouted before crossing her arms over her chest.

"Here's ten bucks I stole from Sephiroth while he was kissing Aeris, go have some fun in the nearby arcade…"

"Yay! Mortal Kombat here I come!" giggled an excited Eiko who dashed off out of sight.

"Wait! …They have laws against that too…oh well…now time for an exciting game of roulette, knowing my luck, Cloud's probably already warmed up the spinner for me…"

_**Author's Note**: What more can I say? If you've played FFX, you will recall when Tidus says in referring to the snowmobile "...Better than Kimarhi does!" and now we get the truth behind his driving skills . Lots of scenes going on, so are you keeping up alright? . Stay tuned when as Part 8 comes around, we'll get a hint at what's happening with our "Villans". Rate and Review for me please! .  
_


	8. Part 8

_**Author's Note**: Part 8 arrives at last! Actually I've had this sitting on my hard drive for a long, long time and just am now getting it up. I hope it was worth the wait for those of you who've been waiting oh so patiently… Finally we can have evil in the picture…_

**PART 8**

The moon was now at it's peak dubbing itself as officially midnight in our little Halloween world. Little does our multiple friends and foes know is that something drastic and evil is about to take place.

Back at Ultimecia's Castle…

"I think I understand your pain…world domination has always been my goal…and I was so damn close to it, but those accursed Returners…" snarled Kefka.

"Now, now, Kefka…while I never planned on destroying the world, I did have evil desires for powers and I too was stripped of that by my pathetic brother." Kuja revealed.

"Wahehehee! I have a brilliant idea Kuja…" Kefka giggled madly as he began to glow a bright red from head to toe.

"What? Go out for Chinese?" Kuja assumed, suddenly having a craving for sweet and sour chicken, and it looked like he needed it too…

"No! Let's both combine our powers and get revenge on those blasted fools once and for all…"

"Hmm, sounds brilliant indeed, speaking of brilliant, how did you manage to get Ulti's place?"

"Ehh, she said she would be out of town for a few days…something about visiting her relative in Honolulu…"

"Must be nice this time of year…"

"Oh yeah, beautiful weather…DON'T TEMPT ME, we have more important matters at hand!"

"Tell you what, we destroy our allies, and we'll both go to Hawaii for Christmas…"

"Deal!"

Finally coming to a decision, it was only a matter of time before the goofballs…I mean, evil titans began to assault the world with their incarnations of power…

"Sephiroth! Where did you learn to kiss like that?" Aeris asked as her eyes literally lit up the night. Never in her entire life had she experienced kisses so passionate and magic as the ones that Sephiroth had just planted on her mere seconds ago.

"My mother Jenova taught me, why?" replied the silver-haired wonderer.

"Err…nothing, just curious…" Aeris groaned as she quickly regretted even asking the question in the first place.

"You didn't think such an incarnation of evil knew how to kiss so well did you…" Sephiroth grinned.

"It would seem that their is still hope for evil yet in this world…but we need to find Cloud…" Aeris advised.

"My ungodly-like powers indicate he's at a party somewhere drunk…" Sephiroth disclosed, he hair whirling around like a radar.

"Then what are we waiting for! Let's go get him and go home…" Aeris stipulated.

"It won't be that easy I'm afraid…besides, my good-like self has now expired…" Sephiroth grinned as a familiar grin came over him…

"Huh?" Aeris marveled as she saw Sephiroth pull out his sharpened Masamune, the wind began to fill his cape whipping into the night.

"Cloud…I'm taking you down! Wahahahaa!" roared Sephiroth as he flew into the night at mach speeds.

"What the hell…did I hit him too hard last time, I think I scrambled his memory back to his old self…oh planet what have I done…" Aeris sighed as she sprinted after the one-winged angel.

"Well no one was hurt, why all the long faces? Let's hit that PAAH-TAAY!" Selphie said to the crowd as they walked back inside and resumed the night like nothing had happened. Sabin resumed his control as the DJ and everyone was up, dancing, having a good time. A new batch of punch was even put in since the old punch seemed to have lost its flavor somehow…

Meanwhile, Irvy who had been behind the girl in the bunny costume bowed his head into apology. "I'm sorry Selfie, I know now you really are the only one for me, forgive me?"

"Alright Irvy!" she smiled as she leaned in to kiss him while dancing to a slow song.

On the other side of the room, another familiar couple was slow dancing.

"Aww, Lulu, that's pretty sweet, ya?" asked Wakka to the sorceress.

"Yeah, but if you think that I'm letting you get your hairy lips near mine, you are asking for trouble Wakka…" the black mage replied in her typical stern voice.

"Chill Lulu, let yourself go, it's relaxing!" Rikku said as she grabbed a cup of punch from the punch bowl, soon after she fell flat on her face.

"Did someone spike the punch again?" Edgar commented.

A figure raised his hand. "It was me…how can you kids drink this stuff…it was missing something…" Auron smiled as he shook up his canteen full of alcohol. (How could I even resist?)

"Kimahri want a sip…" inquired a nearby Ronso.

"Go drink some milk kitty…" Auron responded, holding back his canteen so Kimarhi couldn't reach it.

On yet another side of the room…

"Yuna…look at that couple…why can't we be like them…" whined Tidus, who was clearly becoming unhappy about the situation with him and Yuna, seeing as he hadn't even gotten a kiss from the summoner on this particular night.

"What? Argue all the time over the littlest things and then kiss and make up?" Yuna mocked.

"Well…yeah… it's so romantic…" Tidus sighed.

"Tidus…come here…" Yuna giggled as she kissed him deeply.

"PG, keep it PG Yuna…" Tidus thought as he kissed the 'blitzball player' in disguise.

"Someone…anyone…say something! This silent air is making me go crazy!" Seymour Guado bellowed into the open night. He was still flat on his back and hadn't heard a single noise in the last half hour. However, soon to be realized, that quickly changed…

"GRRRRRRRRRR…." went a loud figure that was standing over Seymour.

"EKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" screamed Seymour in the highest-pitched girly voice imaginable, as with renewed strength he took off down the street.

Omega Weapon was not far behind.

"Hmm they all went inside that place, I think we should follow, this might get interesting…" Zidane observed as he began to walk towards the entrance of the party lounge.

"We may as well, we haven't had any fun tonight! All we've been doing is…" Garnet started but was quickly interrupted by her angel of death.

"The readers know Garnet, don't allow them to go back and read it again for our sake!"

"Ehh…right my angel of death…"

"PUNCH!" was what came out of Zidane's mouth when he first entered the building. Moments later he was on the floor next to Rikku.

"Zidane, get off that young-hyperactive teenager this instant!" Garnet hissed as she quickly became jealous of Zidane even being next to a younger lady than himself.

"Grughah gruuuggguuu…" replied Zidane, in typical drunken fashion.

"DANCE?" came a voice from behind Garnet. What has approached her was none other than the biggest cat she had ever seen!

"What?" Garnet replied to the beast-like being. She was quickly taken aback by his bulky size in statue.

"Pretty girl dance with Kimahri?" came the cat-like being.

Garnet couldn't resist having someone ask her, as Zidane had never gone to such measures. "OOOooo! Such a gentleman! Yes I would be honored!" she replied as she took the hand of the Ronso.

"This is getting seriously messed up…" Terra sighed as she talked Celes into playing a new game, this time tic-tac-toe.

"I know…hey so what happened to Tifa?" Celes asked upon drawing an "X".

"Last I heard she was taken to the hospital, the same one Squall and Rinoa went too…"

"Oh boy…Squall watch out, control yourself," giggled Celes. "TIC TAC…errr!"

"Hey! You have to draw three X's in a row to win!" Terra bawled.

"Damn, I was beginning to wonder why this game was so easy…" Celes blushed, as they started a new game.

Meanwhile, in Room number 69 of the Good-Guys-Recover-Here-Usually Hospital. Squall was enjoying himself on a nice comfy bed pushing buttons.

"Look Rinoa, when I push this button the bed goes up, and when I push this button, the bed goes down! It's ingenious! We need to get Doctor Kadowaki to install some of these in the Garden!" the commander counseled.

Rinoa, nearly speechless with the man's IQ level, retreated to a nearby room only to find... "Zell! How did you get in here!"

"Dude!" Zell began, "I was checking to see what room number Squall's was, and then I came upon this hot girl down in Room 3. She's got blimps the size of…"

"Skip that part! How did you end up in that bed…" Rinoa yelled in fright.

"She kicked my ass…" Zell calmly and quietly revealed to her.

"Oohh…" Rinoa squinted as she truly saw the numerous brusies all over the spiky-haired blonde's body…

"Funny thing was…she looked just like you…that's what made me mistaken her in the first place, then I said to myself, Rinoa doesn't wear a see-through top..." Zell divulged.

"What!" screamed Rinoa, unable to believe that this girl she was talking about could even be real.

"Yeah…boy her punch packs a wallop…did I mention her blimps? And I'm not talking Blimpies either!"

"Yes Zell...well I need to go teach this little hussy a lesson for imitating me!"

"Wait! I didn't tell you…" but Zell was too late as Rinoa had left his room. "Her name was Tifa…"

Squall roared in the next room while watching the stock report on the black and white tv… "I'm a dumbass! More Ovaltine please!"

"Finish him Sonya! Death Kiss!" Eiko roared at the arcade console. She was just now lining up for a fatality, while around her, a huge crowd had gathering to watch her pummel her opponents one after another.

"She's breaking all the records this arcade has ever obtained on this game!" mentioned one of the spectators.

"Yeah I know, for such a young women, she's got spunk!" followed another viewer of the game.

"Just don't taste her cooking, and, oh yeah, whatever you do, don't mention the word 'Zidane' in front of her, I've seen her get as angry as a Cerberus."

Suddenly, the power went out mysteriously and beneath the darkness laid a crying girl.

"Damn it! What a time for the power to go out, I was just warning up!" whined Eiko.

"Eiko…" came a voice from within the darkness. "It is time, come…"

"sigh Ok, Vinny, I suppose I've had enough, but did you have to go to the extreme to get me to quit?"

"With all those rumors flying about you, I just couldn't take any chances…"

"Did Zidane tell you! Oohh, I'm gonna get him for this…"

"Come…to the Batmobile…"

"'Kay! Teehee!"

"Dudes, we need to get out of this place and go find Seymour…I know it's probably the stupidest idea ever, but…well I feel stupid today…" Seifer confessed as he revealed his idea.

"You being stupid? That's a good one…" chuckled Shadow.

"No, man…I'm serious…" Seifer repeated.

"Guys, I think I found a way out!" piped up Laguna as he pointed to a glowing sign above a mysterious door.

"Hmm…" Seifer said as he read the sigh. "EXIT….okay, I take back what I said earlier…"

"What's an EXIT?" asked a curious Laguna.

"Dude, you are a disgrace to rpger's everywhere…" Seifer rolled his eyes mentioning.

"Ow…my leg's cramped…" Laguna moaned as he held one of his tense legs.

"…Yet, theirs' no piano lady in site…" Shadow sighed…

"Thank the author for that…" sighed Amarant as he made his way outside first.

Just seconds later coming from up the street…

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"The hell was that?" asked Shadow.

"Looks like…someone screaming the fifth letter of the alphabet! Has a nice ring to it too…" Laguna chuckled.

"Dudes, it's Seymour, what the hell is he doing…" Seifer laughed as he watched the maester run like the wind...errr yeah…

"I think I see the reason…does a big, scary, deadly, practically impossible to beat monster who appears in almost every RPG game make you wanna just be somewhere else just about now…" Shadow said pointing to a tall creature that had momentarily stop to look at the group while licking its lips. Amarant suggested upon being the first to scat right after Seymour down the street.

"ROARRRR!" followed the ever-present Omega Weapon.

"Seymour! You a slow-ass mofo…" Barret joked as he raced past the wanna-be god.

"Stupid Tacos! I thought they said it would give me more gas!" Seymour pouted upon running as fast as he could.

Suddenly a lawn mower raced by.

"Who's the dork now!" laughed Laguna as he raced pasted everyone destroying anything that he ran over.

"This…is…so…revolting…" Seymour wheezed as he chased after his comrades.

**  
**

_**Author's Note**: Ah yes… So Seymour really doesn't move a whole lot so this'll teach him to work out more! Now what'll happen when Rinoa meets Tifa? Will she suffer the same fate? Will Squall become a dumbass forever? And what does Sephiroth have in store for Cloud? Stay tuned for another exciting chapter of…okay, I really don't want to sound like a tv show right now . Just read the next chapter when I get to it!_


	9. Part 9

_**Author's Note:** Yes, it's been a while has it not? I've actually had this on my hard drive for a while but finally decided to edit it properly. All Final Fantasy characters are the rightful properly of Square-Enix and I'm simply borrowing them for my...evil desires... evil cackle ensues Err...forget you heard that, on with the story!_

**PART 9**

Back at the castle of Ultimecia…

"Alright Kefka, how do we combine our powers?" Kuja asked as he was dusting off his outfit.

Kefka meanwhile was looking at a map of the area. "Hmm…" he started, "I could have sworn they had a store that sold a machine that would do the job for us, but…geez this place is so tiny…and they don't even have a Burger King….mmmm whoppers…"

"What's that about my whoppers?" Kuja asked dumbfounded, not understanding what Kefka had just said.

"For the last time Kuja, a whopper is a flame-broiled meat patty from Burger King, one of the most successful fast-food restaurants in the world…"

"Ooohhh…." Kuja replied.

Kefka frowned and returned to his sightseeing on the map.

"Kefka…do they sell Big Mac's too?"

"First of all, I'm surprised you even know what a Big Mac is, secondly, no, those come from McDonald's, and last, but certainly not least…there is no such thing as a McChocobo…"

"Oh 6-dollar burgers…I was hoping it was…"

"Not while the endangered species law is in effect, besides, if you ever try to do that in this fic, all the ladies out there are going to hurt you…"

"But I am a…oh wait…never-mind, I'm not…" Kuja smirked feeling a breeze shift through his attire…

"I'm beginning to have second thoughts on joining my powers with you Kuja…" Kefka groaned.

Sephiroth was driving along the main street after having illegally stolen a school bus that was left unattended in a secluded location. His mind began to think evil thoughts as he patted the deadly blade in his pocket.

"Soon…Masamune…soon..." he laughed as he took the bus to its max speed of 55 mph.

Meanwhile, Aeris, now alone and bewildered, sat down on the street corner with a heavy sigh.

"I'm…all alone…I don't wanna be alone…" she sniffed as she wiped away a single tear that fell from her eyelid.

A hand was suddenly placed on her shoulder from a dark figure towering overhead. "Aeris…you will never be alone, if you want to be alone, try it from someone who's experienced it for years…"

"Vincent…"

"Where did Sephiroth go?" the black-caped figure asked towards the young Ancient in his usual tone.

"He's gone off to kill Cloud…I think I bashed his head too many times and well…he's now the evil titan he once was…" Aeris replied.

"So basically what you are saying is that we're all doomed…"

"Pretty much…"

A happy-go-lucky Eiko appeared moments later seeing their sad faces. "What's up y'all?"

"Eiko, can you mimic those moves you did in Mortal Kombat, well we could use your help…our old arch-enemy is back."

"I will…under one condition…" smiled Eiko as she anteed up the bargain.

"And what would that be little princess…" Vincent asked.

"BUY ME JOHNNY CAGE!" squealed the young summoner.

"How about I bake you 4 dozen bat cookies…"

"Make it 6 dozen, with some of that color-changing milk!"

"Fine…you got it…it's a done deal…" Vincent sighed.

"Yayyyy!" came the positive reply from Eiko Carol.

Vincent whispered into Aeris's right ear. "You got some overtime coming…hope you can cook babe…"

Aeris could only replied with a soft red blush that has quickly shrouded her cheeks.

"Mr. Kimahri Ronso! Where in the world did you learn to dance like that?" asked an extremely curious Garnet, who never in her entire life had had the opportunity to dance with such a graceful figure, let alone a cat.

Kimarhi blushed slightly as he leaned into the Queen's ears and revealed the secret, "Lulu…"

"What!" replied Garnet who couldn't believe this as she took a quick look over to Lulu as she was again dancing with Wakka. Her shocked reaction grew more as now a huge crowd was now around the elite dancers cheering like wildfire.

"Show offs," snarled the Queen as she grabbed Kimahi's right hand with a quick jerk, "Let's show 'em Kimahri!"

"Kimahri not sure about this…" the Ronso responded but it was already too late as the two began to dance right next to Lulu and Wakka. The crowd roared even more as it would be a dance contest to the finish for a night that already was becoming quite interesting.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the dance floor…a petit figure was just awakening from the recent douse of alcohol that has occupied her system, but in the end she was finding it to be seemingly impossible due to the high weight that has accumulated on her mind and body.

"Ugh…where am I…why can't I get up…" moaned a half-conscious Rikku as she struggled further underneath the unknown weight that held her down. However, it wasn't too terribly long when her vision finally returned to normal and it didn't take too much to realize…

"ACK! What is HE doing on me! I'm not that perverted!" the Al Bhed girl howled as she tired ever so desperately to shrug his still form off her body, was it was practically a futile effort.

Zidane, however, was still off in dreamland as he slept through the endless punches, kicks, slashes, explosions, and everything else that Rikku could do to him…

Suddenly, a bright savior appeared, ironically the same one that had caused the whole mess in the first place, but nonetheless, he could help her out from this nasty predicament. "Need a little help there Rikku…?" came a mysterious voice from behind the young Al Bhed.

"YES! Auron! Get this cat like creature off of me! Pleaseeee!" Rikku pleaded as she continued to squirm under the load of the Gnome.

Auron brought a finger to the side of his lips and pondered for a moment before replying, "You promise not to drink anymore of my booze?"

"YES! Anything! I'll even go seek counseling for my fear of lightning!" Rikku screeched agitatedly.

"As you wish…" came the cold reply from the aged warrior as he picked Zidane up by the collar and toss him right in the center of the dance competition.

"Zidane! Get out of here!" came the royal tone of Garnet as her love collided right into her, yet still metrically she kept in step with Kimahri. Zidane, however, was still far too intoxicated to even begin to notice his surroundings, not even furthermore when he was violently tossed into the air into another dancing couple which in turn did the exact same thing until he was being tossed around from couple to couple like a rag doll. There was no doubt in the author's mind that he would be feeling some excruciating and possible dislocated joints in the morning.

Near the entrance, a familiar mako-eyed soldier after nearly two hours finally arose to his feet. "Hmm…" inquired Cloud Strife, "Where the heck am I? Where are Aeris and Sephiroth?" His calmness suddenly turned into a seething rage, as his primitive fear was possibly about to come to pass yet again. "No! That bastard! He's going to kill her! Again!"

Blinded by his own rage, Cloud didn't see the tail-bearing figure approaching as Zidane plowed right into his face.

"Not again…" Cloud staggered as he fell backwards with Zidane joining him. Once again, it was lights out for Strife.

It was only the beginning of troubles as a dark-cloaked swordsman stepped into the lounge with a small scar on his forehead. Extorting his collapsed wings from their rightful hanger, he slowly released a maddening chuckle and he walked into a view of light.

"Time to die…puppet…"

**END OF PART NINE**

**Author's Note**: _Yes, I know Part Nine is short, but that's because Part Ten is over 2,000 words long and I wanted to give your eyes a break . So, now the questions that are being begged to ask are: Will Sephiroth kill Cloud? Will Zidane ever wake up? Will Aeris and Vincent arrive in time? Is Eiko really that good at Mortal Kombat? What devilish deeds do Kuja and Kefka have? And, what about the others? Is the author really going to drag this story on further? () _

_Hopefully I'll get Part Ten up quickly so everyone can find out those answers and lots more! Don't forget to review and rate if you feel up to it, bad or good, I take all forms of reviews (except annoymous of course)_


	10. Part 10

**PART 10**

Rinoa Heartilly was storming down the first floor hallway of the hospital, passing by a variety of rooms. Eventually she reached Room 3 but even when she peeped inside, the results even she could not have prepared herself for laid beyond the archway leading in.

Glaring inside the room was a black-haired women strapped to some machines where the only sound being heard was the faint beep of the pulse machine. Sure enough, it was the same women Zell had described, right down to her acclaimed 'blimps'.

Her tone rose as she approached the young women asleep in her bed, she received an equal expression in her own eyelids as she awoke from her slumber.

Speaking through the oxygen mask, Tifa faintly spoke, "Am I seeing double?" she inquired to Rinoa.

"Why no you aren't little one…and I'm not your twin sister either!" Rinoa replied in a harsh tone.

Tifa snarled at the girl. "I guess not…I wouldn't have my hair THAT shiny…"

Tifa's eye quirked up as she began to question the desire of this imposter. "State your business, I'm healing from the after-effects of total chaos…at a party…"

"Party? You mean…" Rinoa bellowed as she turned around and began to think.

Tifa looked up at the angel-clad female. "Wait…you were there too! You drank the punch and fell on top of your sweetheart! Heh, heh, did you like that? That punch was nothing…I could have made a way stronger drink at my Seventh Heaven…what a weakling you are…"

Rinoa's eyes raged, her hands merely grabbed the bed-ridden Tifa around the throat as she began to strangle the life out of her carelessly.

"Die you sorry excuse for a Final Fantasy character!" she cried

"(gasp! hack!) At least I wasn't weak like half of the females!" Tifa cried as she did a Final Heaven on Rinoa who was pummeled to a nearby wall. Interestingly, she was still semi-strapped to the medical equipment, and the heart rate monitor sped up in an appropriate fashion.

Rinoa smeared some blood from a small cut off her lips and charged at Tifa as the two of them began a ferocious catfight in Room 3.

Meanwhile, back in the room of Balamb Garden's elite commander…

"Crappy hospital food! I need nourishments! How's a guy suppose to live on burnt peanuts and dried Jell-o! When I'm hungry, I should get a Snicker, like the ad says…this is going into the suggestion box!"

A few seconds later, the SeeD was strapped to a white jacket and taken to the examination room.

"Sit down and shuddup! Or your leather jacket is mine!" cackled a hyperactive nurse, who took on a familiar identity of Yuffie.

* * *

"Come, faithful supporters of justice! The Batmobile awaits!" roared a tense Vincent who jumped head first into the driver's seat, with Eiko and Aeris behind. 

"Vincent! How did you manage to con this off, it looks so much like the REAL Batmobile…" Aeris asked as she stroked the plated armor near her window.

Vincent chuckled as he pressed a few buttons whereas seconds later, a huge flame exhorted from the exhaust pipe of the hotrod. "Well, to tell you the truth…Batman…is…my cousin…"

Aeris looked at him strangely. "Sure…you just went up to him and got permission to take his baby for a spin…"

Eiko merely starred out at the scenery that was whizzing by at a hundred-miles-per-hour, suddenly her face met with that of a red stop sign as Vincent shrieked to a halt.

"Stupid stop signs, even I, the Dark Knight, must obey traffic laws!" he heroically said.

"We have no time to this, Cloud's life is at stake, and possibly the whole world! The laws of this world can wait…" Aeris fumed as she emitted some strange blue energy from her palms. A flash of light erupted across the skies where suddenly a bolt of lightning stuck the stop sign transforming it into a pile of pixie dust.

"What the! Did you just…dispose of every safety device that traffic has to rely on!" Vincent asked nervously.

"Yes! So now you won't have an excuse to stop anymore!" Aeris piped up, pleased with herself.

"But Aeris…now no one is safe!" Eiko cried as she rubbed the side of her face after her faithful encounter with the red road sign.

At that sudden comment, a ga-zillion traffic horns roars throughout the night with one accident after another. It was pretty safe to say that all hell broke lose and traffic was at a stand-still with delays reaching practically limitless numbers.

The Ancient started down at the floor-mat, and sighed as a pink hue formed in her face, "Whoopies…"

* * *

"Do you think we lost him?" questioned a doubtful Seymour as he and his comrades peeped from behind a rather large tree in the middle of a park.

"Hope so, wonder who the hell released that hellspawn demon in the first place, probably someone stupid." Seifer gawked.

"I'll bet it was you…" pondered a curious Laguna who was taking off a pair of headphones with the faint sound of his battle music blaring from within them.

"Good riddance I say, now, what do you say we get back on our mission…" Seymour inquired.

"Hey, where the heck is Barret?" Shadow solicited.

"Poor man, he probably got mauled by Omega…" Amarant snorted as he stepped from behind the tree back out into the open.

"Oh well, let's mosey people…" Seymour requested as he stepped out from beneath the tree as well. He began to walk towards a playground and quickly became enraptured with the swings.

Seifer, Laguna, Amarant, Shadow and even Interceptor placed a single hand/paw over their eyes in disbelief.

"Wee! Swing, Swing, Swing!" was all Seymour could say in delight.

And just because weird things happen, for the record, we'll just say the swing set support bar started to twist and quickly broke apart sending the whole equipment to the ground, atop a battled and bruised maester.

"Show off…" Seifer laughed as he and the other helped lift the crud off the maester's back.

* * *

The blade hovered over his rival like a nightmare. The silver hair swirled from a gust of wind generated by the ceiling fans. The room was a dead silence, so quiet; you could even hear the dust move.

Then, he spoke.

"I have waited for this moment for so very long, so long have I waited for this moment." Sephiroth gleamed as he held his blade within his grasp for what seemed like endless hours.

The quietness broke as a figure from across the room stepped forward, his boots echoing loudly. Loitering atop his shoulder was a blade known as "Bushido". He spoke a solid five words.

"You shall harm no one…"

The one-winged angel of death looked up at the elderly figure and laughed wholehearted.

"You dare to clash blades with me? I don't think you realize what you've gotten yourself into old timer…"

Auron chuckled lightly. "You may be younger, but the more experienced swordsmen outperforms in a duel, or, didn't anyone ever tell you that?"

The evil plague returned the laugh with one from his tongue. "That may be true, but in the end, it all relies on strength, and I clearly have more than you do, so stop your babbling and fight!"

A single hand clenched the blade from atop his strong shoulder. "As you wish…"

Kimahri was about to jump into the fray when a hand held him back.

"Don't risk your life for such a pitiful dispute Kimahri, let them fight, it's the only way…" Garnet said in a soft voice.

"Oooo, let me at that baboon, I can take 'um!" Rikku snarled as she prepared a few grenades, but a hand held her back as well.

"I can summon…summons!" Yuna cried.

"I can do Blitz Ace!" Tidus hollered, then looked down at his attire, "Maybe not in these rags…"

"I could use magic…and my dolls…" Lulu revealed. "Now where did I put Cali Girl Barbie…?"

"'An I can throw a ball!" Wakka divulged, but got a sudden look of concern from others, he quickly settled down. "Hmph, my balls could outstand machina any day…"

"Wakka, think about what you just said…" Lulu muttered.

The former blitzball coach thought about it, and thought about it, but couldn't quite get it…

"ME RAGE!" Gau bellowed before turning into a SlamDancer.

"I can paint portraits!" young Relm exclaimed, and then turned head over heals upon seeing Sephiroth. "Ooo, I wanna paint HIS portrait! He's so dreamy!"

"I've got Bio Blaster, Chain Saw, Flash, Drill…" Edgar said as he listed just about everything he had.

"I've got summons too! Hey, waitaminute…" Garnet queried before turning over to Yuna. "How can YOU summon!"

"I'm a summoner, duh!" Yuna chuckled before sticking a tongue out.

"I can summon too!" Irvine spoke up upon withdrawing a gun. "I can shoot ya as many times as a clock allows me too!"

"So can I!" Celes disclosed.

"As can I!" Terra unveiled.

"Hold on a second, how can everyone summon, when the soul purpose of my quest was to rid the world of an evil apocalypse entitled Sin, and I could only do this with summons, not to mention I had to go through three years of intense physical and spiritual training just to prepare for the summons themselves!" Yuna pouted feeling not so special anymore.

"Heh, heh, I just use an Esper, it's like a jewel, I just hold it in my hand and I can summon…"

"My summons never die!" Garnet giggled loudly.

"Neither do ours!" Terra and Celes said at the same time.

"This is…preposterous! If people knew all along they could just, use jewels and such, what is my sole purpose of living!" Yuna bawled getting on her knees.

"To be used in a sequel to save me!" Tidus laughed as he wrapped an arm around her neck lovingly.

"Waaaaahh, this is so unfair…" Yuna wept as she buried herself into Tidus's chest.

"Oh come on! Don't make us suffer over here! Stop playing the innocent girl routine again! We're trying to get it on!" Auron bellowed.

"Reminds me of a certain sickening Ancient..." Sephirtoh snorted before turning into his almighty form composed of a centaur with holy wings.

"Stop with the sexual tenses! This fic is already hovering before an R rating, ya?" Wakka grumbled before throwing a Fire Ball at Tidus.

"Ow! What was that for!" Tidus whined.

"Oh, I've just always wanted to do that…hehe…" Wakka chortled.

"Booyaka!" Selphie cheered, sending forth chaos across the room, once again.

* * *

On one side of the room was the female consisting of extraordinary proportions, and the other side, a single finger pointing to the ceiling tiles. All was still and silent, except for the seemingly rupture of a snore from time to time. Bruise-marks covered both bodies, and loose strains of black hair were scattered across the floor.

Rinoa's left eye twitched open as she let out a groan of pain.

Tifa's right eye twitched open as she too let out a groan of pain.

Total Silence.

"GAH! YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO YOU DEMON CHILD!" Tifa exclaimed as she jumped to her feet with ease.

"BRING IT MISS Double D CUP!" Rinoa blared as she again charged at her foe.

CRASH BOOM BAM KAPOWIE VROOM WOOSH ATOMIC BOMB LIKE NOISE

The sudden rush of a stretcher whizzed on by with Squall strapped to it, his motions intense as a stream ooze of green jello escaped his tarnished lips. Yuffie, holding his gunblade in her right palm grinned wickedly.

"Weee! I'm a race car driver! VROOOOOOOOM!" Squall screeched.

Standing outside the door of the chaos stood a healed Zell with a bandage across his forehead.

"Goddamn…what the HELL is going on here!" he yelped. He took a sniff of the air and hacked. "What smells like asphalt at four in the morning around here!"

* * *

"M-A-S T-E-R S-E-Y-M-O! Seymour G, he's so eee!" squealed a happy-go-lucky Maester Seymour who was causing havoc in the playground by merely attempting to have fun.

Dumbfounded by the lack of intelligence in the evil villan, Seifer gawked at the baddie with vigor madness. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! I WAS BETTER OFF WITH THE SORCERESS THAN YOU!"

"Right on! You tell 'em Seifer!" Amarant cheered before going back to his quiet status.

Stunned by the insincerity of his comrades, Maester Seymour did the only thing one could do when their feelings are hurt…

He shed a stream of tears.

"WAHHHHH! Why are you so mean to me! I'm just a lonely villain swore on the acts of revenge to defeat a foe who came from one thousand years in the future, and for what! He freakin' sweeps the Lady Summoner off her feet because he's a look-alike twin of all those Tommy Hilfinger models, only Asian style!"

* * *

The clash of blades echoed across the room in pandemonium. On the left side, an archangel hacked away like a crazed lunatic who'd had way too much Mountain Dew. On the right side, a calm, cool and collected middle-aged legend that didn't make the slightest glitch of a move until the time was just right merely avoided each inward assault. Sephiroth was beginning to lose his patience as the tone in his voice showed the immediate proof.

"Quick stalling and show me what you can really do! I hate fighting an empty battle against a foe!" he barked.

Auron curled his lips in a half-grin of ridicule. "Guard your emotions, then I'll see about turning this battle up a notch, understand?" The guardian brought down his blade in a might roar towards the ground.

Sephiroth cursed loudly, "Oh yes, I see it all now, you're trying to trick me, yes? Well, it's not going to work! Aaaayaaahh!"

The one-winged angel of tyranny heaved out a tense breath as he once again brought his blade out and rushed towards his opponent with haste…

But time would only tell what would result from this…or maybe just until the author can get his head out of a bag of Cheetos…(yum!)

END OF PART TEN 

_**Author's Note**: Yes, yes, so I stopped here and then decided to leave the story alone for a while before that turned into almost months! It was getting to be a long, long chapter and I am still a firm believer in the resting of the eyes. So, keep those reviews coming, I was so pleased to have received two recent reviews on the same day even and it is motivating me to work further on this insane fanfic. So thanks again and stay tuned for Part 11. _


	11. Part 11

**Not Just Another Halloween Night  
**By Prince Tiger**  
---**

**PART 11**

Back at the Good-Guys-Usually-Recover-Here Hospital. Zell, Squall, Rinoa, Tifa, and whomever else the author forgot to mention were set for immediate release, regardless of how unfitting this decision clearly is. In the end, Yuffie did walk away with Squall's belt, Tifa and Rinoa somehow miraculously recovered (my guess is the ever famous Full-Life and Life 2 spells). Squall had his chocobo boxers on display for all the world to see, Zell managed to empty the hospital cafeteria of all its hotdogs, and…

"The wheels on the bus go round and round, all the live long day!"

Aboard the transport vehicle, the entire cast of FF4 and FF5 had tagged along for the ride.

"Arrr, shiver me timbers, Me am beginning to think thar author seriously is on thar illegal leaf..." Faris remarked before getting smacked by Bartz.

"Quiet you! You know how much food we had to prepare him just so we would be included in this fic? Too much that's how much!" Bartz replied. (Thanks for the ribs hero!)

"So, where the fudge popsicles are we heading, anyways? Any place with hot women is alright by me!" Yang grinned as he let his tongue loose for a mere second, hormones getting the best of the disciplined monk.

Everyone looked at him in disbelief…

"Hey, a monk's gotta get out sometime!" was all the Fabul king could say.

Suddenly, everyone looked into the mirror and figured out in a dreaded instance who the driver of the bus was. Clad in dark navy blue robes with a Viking-like helmet, the once evil cur of the Moon laughed as he recklessly plowed through traffic like it was litter in the road.

"Behold! I am bus driver, hear me roar! Wahahahaha!" Golbez chortled as his shifted the transport into overdrive!

"Mommy! I think I'm gonna…" But it was too late for Cecil as he spewed all over the floor. Rosa, at his side, could only wince at the disgusting mess with uneasiness.

"Honey…I think you really need to take the "Edge" off of things…" she said slipping him a Tums.

"Oh that's it! She's a dead wretch!" The prince of Eblan screeched as he stalked the Baron Queen with the two Longs Swords in both of his hands.

"Stop that you unsophisticated cur!" Rydia hissed as she vaulted after him with unconditional summoner rage.

So once again, chaos sprung forth in a moving vehicle with all the spectators cheering on the brawl at hand.

But suddenly, (don't you love all these instantaneous spoofs?) Golbez swiveled out of control as the stoplight ahead was malfunctioning, and right in the middle of the road was a familiar armored super-car.

"Aieeee!" screamed Aeris, Eiko, and Vincent as the bus collided right into the driver's side of the Batmobile and caused the two mediums to crash disorderly into a nearby ditch.

Kain, Krile, Boko, Edward, Faris and Cecil all flew forcefully through several nearby bus windows right into several awaiting trees in a nearby park. On the other end, Eiko's seat ejected on its own from the impact, and thus the young moogle-loving summoner was set for a ride into the sky, the trails of her screams fading as she flew high and higher.

"Ahhh! Eiko!" Aeris cried as Vincent made a desperate attempt to use the abilities of his utility belt, but all could get was the grabbling hook which for some reason had a mind of its own ejecting his body from the driver's seat and into a nearby thorn bush… (Well, he does know pain fairly well, right?)

Kain jumped into the air with his lance and grabbed the falling child protecting her beneath his dragon knight armor.

"You are safe now my dear…" Kain reassured her…

"You nincompoop! But now we're going in the other direction!" Eiko blighted to the dragon knight. It was true, Eiko had been descending, but now with the arrival of her so-called savoir, they were once again on the "rise".

"My bad…" Is all Kain could say as he had reached the height of his jump before the two starting their descent… "Maybe we'll get lucky and some dumb Imp will pass by…"

"That's real comforting dummy!" Eiko wept as the two could see the ground beneath them. The pure sound of screaming commenced.

Yet, the average IQ of a Final Fantasy character was significantly lower than any other RPG as all the Final Fantasy V characters transformed into Dragoons and all jumped towards the pair!

Eiko was not too thrilled by this to say the least, "I'll never see the ground again!" as the cast of FFV, Kain and herself went from descending to ascending once again.

Back below near Golbez, who ironically had sustained no injured at all, FuSoYa had appeared gazing at the armored clad.

"Wait a minute…you were suppose to be asleep…what the hell happened?" the Lunarian inquired.

"I don't know, I was sleeping peacefully, and then I faintly heard the words, CLEAR! And suddenly was zapped with some unknown magic!" Golbez revealed.

Squall, who had yet to say anything at all so far in this session said, "I'm king of the world!" before having all the jumped characters with Eiko fall on top of him and his prized boxers…

Rinoa and Tifa just sort of had left the scene with a stolen 2001 Ford Taurus and had brought new definition to the world "reckless female drivers".

---

"Well now that I am finally free from the archenemy playground equipment, let us return to the ploy of finding Tidus and stabbing him with a pen!" Seymour commanded as he laughed in a way that evil typically does.

"Stabbing him with a pen? I thought the original objective was to KILL him…" Seifer corrected.

"Well that's AFTER we stab him with the pen…or maybe we should doodle on his head first!" Seymour grinned.

"Look…what in half-filled glass of vodka is that noise?" Amarant hinted.

Seymour and company looked on as a Ford Taurus approached, suddenly, the vehicle broke down right in front of them. Being the harmonic male characters that they were, their eyes went from mild to wild at the sight of Tifa and Rinoa.

"So Rinoa, you've ditched puberty boy and have come back to your sugar daddy?" Seifer cooed as she licked his lips.

"I'll bet my own son disgraced the family name with his social skills once again!" Laguna bawled as he held his hands in his face. "if only he had taken from his old man…"

"What? Speaking without thinking?" Amarant said.

"You…be quiet…" Laguna snapped.

Shadow was clueless as to what was going on, so he decided to sick his dog on Seymour for kicks.

"Ahhh! Shadow! tear Call off your meddlesome mutt this instant or my mom will be doing the biting!" Seymour begged. It wasn't long however before Interceptor had taking a liking to his hair as a chew toy.

Suddenly Barret reappeared after having been lost in this fic for ages since the Omega Weapon incident. He spotted Tifa and went over to her.

"Tiff? So where the hell are you and this twin sista of yours headin'?" he asked.

"First of all…" Tifa began, "I don't see how you can spark the resemblance…but see we were both as this party with Cloud and Squall…so we're going to head back there because we lack common sense and stuff…"

Seymour realized this had to be it. It had to be where Tidus was. How could that lovable…err, summoner-stealing Abercrombie and Finch model resist the urge to take Yuna to such an eventful gathering…it was just too perfect of a setting…

"My dear…would you mind giving us a ride… I'll…pay handsomely…" Seymour chortled as he laid five thousand gil on the hood of the car for the ladies to see…"

"Blue-haired freak of nature…you've got yourself a deal. Hop on in everybody!" Rinoa squealed as the Taurus quickly became full beyond its intended capacity.

"Then, we're off!" Seymour yelled his finger extended outward in rhapsody.

"Umm…but…" Tifa shrugged as she turned the key resulting in no noise exhibiting from the car.

"But…what!" Barret exclaimed.

"The car's busted…."

Anime-sweat drops for everybody!

---

At the party, surprising nothing was going on that involved combat. Auron and Sephiroth had resorted to something a little less compelling, something more strategic.

"Checkmate…" Auron beamed as he tightened his gloves in victory.

"What the! No fair! This game bites! We need something…easier to play…" Sephiroth roared.

"What about 21?" Auron requested as an alternative solution.

"Geez, maybe for a Harvard student! But not for the likes of me!" the wing-clad titan bellowed.

"Fine…you choose the game…" Auron sighed just trying to move on with the situation.

"Alrighty, how about…Candy Land…?" suggested the tyrant of destruction.

Over in the crowed, Edgar and Gau were passing out popcorn and soda as the lounge had been rearranged into stadium-like seating…

"Okay…so the fate of the world hangs on the balance of…a child's game?" Freya quarreled with disappointment as she took a sip of her beverage.

"If you ask me, it's a bit of a refreshing change," Celes remarked. "It's always 'Prepare for the final battle!" or "Save the planet from total annihilation!"

"Yeah but…there's no…sense of accomplishment in winning Candy Land then there is fighting for the sake of the world in a great final showdown of arms! (With dazzling spells and music!)" Terra commented with her own words of thought.

"I don't know about that…just look at Sephiroth's sense of exploit now within his chilling eyes…" Lulu observed as she pointed with her right hand.

"Ah ha! I've sneaked past Lord Licorice's place! Next stop, Gramma Nut! The Candy Castle will be all mine for the taking!" Sephiroth beamed as he drew a blue card.

"Stupid Mr. Mint, why didn't he just leave me in peace!" Auron grumbled as he drew a red card.

---

Everything was starting to come together now as Kefka and Kuja were on their way to the scene via their oh-so-lovely transport, a classic red wagon. Kefka had been the lucky one in being not the one forced to tug the other in this sparsely limited capacity vehicle.

"So…tell me again why we didn't just call a cab?" Kuja demanded as he thought that in all his years as a villan, this was the most revolting thing he had ever done. Period.

Kefka sighed as he spoke. "Because cab drivers scare me. There was this one time in New York City that I called a cab, and all he could do was stare at me with the most uncharitable eyes I have ever seen from one human being!"

"But you can't really blame him, I mean, look at you! Your sporting a jester outfit with clown face paint! You've got lunatic written all over you!" Kuja wheezed before at last collapsing on the cement pavement, with a full-view of his limited clothed behind.

"And what about you?" Kefka retorted. "You're the most questionable gender villain in the history of all role-playing games! No, boxers aren't good enough for you, you just had to wear something from Victoria's Secret!"

"Hey, have you ever actually been to that place? It's amazing… Why, their semi-annual sales are truly something to behold!" Kuja responded back to the evil madman.

"Wait. Stop, right there. Can we just get back to the endeavor at hand? We're trying to take over the world on Halloween Night… Can't we at least do it without going alone the lines of girl's underwear and cocky feminine gestures? I mean…He-man, now he was a real man…" Kefka grinned…

Kuja could barely compose himself as he screeched. "That's it! I've had…well he DID have the power!"

"And what power he had, but he feared losing it. Scheming petty schemes never knowing rest…" came a voice from behind.

And then, at that moment…Kuja and Kefka knew they had met someone who they could look up to like a brother, the dark hues on his mop of hair, the lengthy hairs on his manly chest, a smock that rivaled even that of Bruce Lee when he wanted to feel pretty…

"Actually, that would have been Skelator…" Kuja corrected…

"Whatever…" Seymour replied trying to get back to the important matters at hand.

The two villains looked at him like a god, with the awesome power of his wheels and bowed accordingly.

"Teach us o wise one, we are not worthy!" Kuja and Kefka said in unison.

While you, the reader, may honestly believe the two skunks are referring to the Harley-Davidson that Seymour had ridden in previous parts of this lengthy tale, this was not the current mode of transport that the Maester was NOW riding…

"Look, I feel the need to ask something of importance regarding my current situation…can you fix a 2001 Ford Taurus?" Seymour asked as politely as one such of his caliber could.

"You're kidding right?" Kuja said narrowing his eyes to the Guado. Kefka soon followed through with a menacing laugh.

"It is a desperate state of emergency, the longer we wait, the shorter amount of time I have to slay Tidus and his guardians!" Seymour stated.

"Haha…so you too are in the desire to take life from those that side with the light!" Kefka cackled. "Excellent…why not join us? We are on our way to rid this world…which I say is starting to look more like one place in Ohio…what was it called…?"

"Cleveland? Columbus? Cincinnati?" Seymour began spilling out Ohio cities.

"Shut up!" Kuja bellowed. "I'll tell you what…you take me to this vehicle, and I'll try Holy and Flare Star on it. If that doesn't fix it, then consider it unfixable!" Kuja snarled as the night was not getting any younger.

"Deal! And while we're on that, after all is said and done, I'll be sure to treat you bros to Micky D's!"

"Oh yeah… I'm lovin' it!" Kefka cheered.

"Hang on…this may be a rather unpleasant and nerve-rattling ride…" Seymour warned before he adjusted himself on his pogo stick…

"Onward, to victory!" Kuja cried as a surge of newfound hope had entered his once-drained system.

And so, the three lunatics bounced happily across the tops of traffic vehicles of all shapes and sizes as they made their way back towards the rundown collision area, their paths set…

But they hadn't even made it halfway there, when out of the blue, the author decided a change of pace was required.

"Villains of previous Final Fantasy games!" he said in a booming voice of heavenly volume.

The trio stopped in awe at the glorious sight of the heavenly figure (draped with wings that would even rival Sephiroth, no less! Hehe)

"It is time that you started acting more as a team rather than a bunch of misfits… Unite together and your powers shall be unrivaled!"

"But how are we to do that oh gracious and powerful one who controls our every move and everything we say…no, I didn't want to say that! Wait…don't type that word…duckies, penguins, I'm a pretty ballerina…gah!…S—SEDKSEDHTLEHSTEHEHTHGlshglshd8t!"

"Sorry, my cat just started running over the keyboard… But, okay, I'll try harder to make it seem more likely that you have a higher desire to kill something rather than play around with everything that you come in contact with!"

"And no more gay sexual jokes!" Kuja demanded, fists of fury in the air.

"And no more of this talk of me being a lunatic that rivals Bozo the clown!" Kefka also spoke.

"And no more of me saying that I need a decent haircut and a brain to boot! I'm tired of this crap, I want to be the feared one again for a change!" Seymour instructed.

I, the author, thought for a moment, and then thought some more, and then when all hope seemingly was lost, I thought even more! In conclusion, I beseeched the skies, "By golly, those villains were right! At least for a time in their previous careers they were feared! Decimating the hope and dreams of everyone they touched, include their own pain and desires."

"Yes, when I said ruling the world with my unconditional love, I didn't mean it like THAT!" Kuja piped up, correcting me.

"Uh huh…sureeee you did!" I said.

"Alright, well then, from this moment on (for the most part) you'll act like true scoundrels with only one goal in mind! To seek out and destroy those who have had a scene during the ending credits of their respective rpgs!"

"YEAH!" united the troupe.

"Well, let's start off with giving you a better set of wheels…" Immediately out of the imagination of my colorful mind, I gave the trio a fire-red Dodge Viper with 5.1 surround sounding speakers with the music track playing "We Are the Champions" by Queen…

"Bitchin'!" the tree replied in unity. "Thanks author! You rock!" and thus they blazed off in their new toy as happy as villains could be.

**END OF PART 11**

**_Author's Note: I couldn't resist helping those poor, unfortunate souls out, that and it'll speed up the story a bit! Thanks to all you faithful reader for putting up with my insanity to this point! But it's not over yet! What questions do we ask ourselves now? _**

_**Will the cast of FF4 and FF5 have more lines?**_

_**Will Sephiroth also realize his evil ways (again) and stop the nonsense of Candy Land?**_

_**Will Cloud and Zidane ever wake up?**_

_**Can a Ford Taurus really be fixed by a massive attack by the name of Flare Star?**_

**_Only time will tell…(and hopefully not too much time!) Part 12 is on the horizon! Yeppers!_**


	12. Part 12

**Not Just Another Halloween Night  
**By Prince Tiger**  
---**

**PART 12**

The night wasn't getting any younger, and with the author's progress on this fic, many of the characters being portrayed in the story just weren't having it any longer. Long story short; they all had gone on strike.

…Just kidding…

"The hell?" Locke exclaimed, "So…what's the point of these cheaply-made on-strike signs?"

"I t-think the author enjoys his d-demigod-like statue and is w-willing to use it to the point of abuse. C-can't say I b-blame him, though, umm I'd p-probably do the same thing!" Vivi revealed.

At the sound of his voice, all the characters that had been watching the battle between Auron and Sephiroth shifted their gaze towards the black mage, wide-eyed in astonishment.

"Vivi? Is there hope for a suddenly badass like being inside of you?" Freya queried swinging her spear gracefully.

"Hmm, you know, Square never did explain the point of all those Vivis at the end of Final Fantasy IX… What a pimp, and here I thought Garnet and I had it going on!" Zidane grinned slyly.

"ZIDANE! You're the one who wanted to get into my pants every ten seconds! So be quiet 'darling'!" Garnet hissed before she resorted to slapping him across the face with her racket.

Suddenly, the word "Death" appeared over Zidane's head. He shrugged his shoulders and fell on the floor tiles, entering the void world.

Garnet sighed raising her racket in the air, calling out her Life spell, which in turn instantly revived Zidane.

"So Vivi, are you sleeping with Eiko tonight or what?" Zidane slurred before getting KO's again, this time by Vivi's own Blizzaga. The black mage blinked twice showing his true innocence that has appealed to fans across the entire world, and stepped away silently.

"What the hell just happened? I didn't see anything wrong with the previous statement, heh, I admit I'm quite jealous at the moment…" Irvine inquired with Selphie by his side.

"The same thing that's gonna happen to you cowboy!" the train girl growled before casting a triple Flare burning the lone sharpshooter to a crisp.

"This is boring, I'm going to get a milkshake…" Terra said heading off towards the bar.

Instantly, Edgar appeared at the half-breed's side. "Did someone say milkshake? I'm…intrigued milady…"

"Damn it Edgar! For the last time, her milkshake DOESN'T bring all the boys in the yard!" Celes grimaced before slashing him across the face with the Atma Weapon.

"Uwaoooo, it…not better than yours?" Gau asked, looking as devilish as ever.

Glares were amok in the room at that last comment, so the author decided to hastily switch scenes…

"Will you all be quiet?! We're trying to concentrate here…" Sephiroth demanded. Then, the god-like titan tried to free a piece of ice from the rest of the group. Suddenly, the whole setup came crashing down and he slammed his fist on the ground in aggravation.

"Ah, Don't Break the Ice, another childhood game I could always win." Auron smiled as he rose his first in victory.

Sephiroth grumbled, "Okay you cheater, how about Connect Four then?!"

"Gah, seriously, this could go on forever and they still wouldn't agree on a winner." Irvine complained as Selphie had long since fell asleep, "Talk about spoiled sports. Screw this, I'm going to take Selphie and…ehehehehee."

"Don't you dare!" Quistis objected cracking her whip in the sharpshooter's direction. Then he displeasure quickly turned into sinister glee, "You like divine punishment right? I can show you a thing or two…"

"Now you're talking!" Irvine piped up eagerly, "Lead me and please me instructor!"

Quistis grinned evilly, "Good boy. I think you'll find you won't be disappointed."

And with that…

"Hey wait?! Aren't WE gonna have any more lines in this insane story?" Tidus questioned. Suddenly, a random bolt of lightning zapped him.

"Tidus! Nooo!" Yuna bawled as she threw her body upon her lover.

"Just wait your turn! Don't you see I've already got my hands full?!" the author fumed, "by the way, I always find it amusing when he gets hit by lightening uwee, hee, hee..." And so, Yuna could only look on helplessly as her beloved was electrocuted continually in a wild display of humor.

"Ack! Please…make it stop!" Rikku sobbed to no end. "Author, you're mean, cruel, your mom would DEFINITELY be ashamed of you! …But, please…don't hurt me!"

-+-+-+

Meanwhile, back at the bus collision site. Aeris had taken command of the situation involving all the characters from FF4 and FF5, as well as her cohorts Vincent and Eiko. She had felt something was amiss in the air, and with the departure of Sephiroth and the feeling that his evilness was not alone, she sensed the actions of evil were in motion.

"Everyone," she spoke, "The Lifestream brings me ill tidings. Our worlds are once again threatened by the mockery of evils. They seek to use this night, as the darkest day of the entire year to put their schemes in motion."

Golbez rose his hand up into the air suddenly as the Ancient was talking, "Question. Umm, am I still evil?"

Aeris looked at the viking-like being and covered herself protectively, "Is that a personal question or a peculiarity question?" she asked.

"Brother?" Cecil gestured, "Is something the matter?"

Kain clarified, "Golbez is not evil, he was hypnotized by the dark hatred of Zemus, also known as Zeromus, also known as that huge alien-like creature who seemed to have a fond liking to casting "Big Bang" every eight seconds or something…Now, his thoughts are his own…"

"But so long as evil occupies the hearts of man…" Cecil recited.

The author cackled, and suddenly in a flash of light, Zeromus - that crazed unmistakable alien creature appeared out of a vast spacey portal-like thingy.

"It's great to be back folks! I'm Napoleon and I…bzzt vroom"

At that moment, question marks appeared atop each character's forehead. The author popped out from behind the portal and coughed, "Sorry, wrong signal… Just give me a sec here…"

Zeromus stuttered through various radio signals before finally… "Foolish mortals! Did you honestly think that you could defeat me? Golbez! My contract with you hasn't expired yet!"

"Huh?" Golbez said, appearing vexed with the comment from Zeromus.

Zeromus pulled out a long piece of paper showing it for all eyes to see. "Correct me if I am wrong, but, this is YOUR signature below this dotted line, is it not?"

Golbez pulled out his bifocals, then studied the rough handwriting closely. "Why, yes it is… Oops, I forgot…forgive me my master…"

Cecil appeared shocked, before turning over to Kain, "Kain, don't tell me you too…?"

Kain tucked a bit at his neck collar and gulped, "Actually, yes, I signed a similar contract as well. In exchange for…a mansion in Beverley Hills and an autographed Usher poster…"

"WHAT?!!" Cecil fumed, completely overtaken by surprise. Rosa who was standing next to him gasped in bewilderment as well.

"Eh, it's so complicated, even I don't understand it, but anyways, be seeing you!" Kain waved as he walked over next to Golbez in his 'slave-like' stance.

"Ah, Kain was it? Pardon my arrogant nature and cheap English accent, but you're not invited to our special gathering," Zeromus revealed.

"Huh? Why the hell not?" Kain asked befuddled by his master.

"Seems the author got a ton of e-mails last night from his female fans saying they preferred that you saved the world again with your comrades," the alien revealed. "Sorry I can't exactly change it, the author really is the god of this story, I'm sure in a matter of seconds, if he wanted to, he could…"

And suddenly, Zeromus was clad in a pink tutu blowing a new years horn while doing the Robot.

"Woah…" Edge gawked as Rydia respectively hit him over the head with her staff incessantly.

"Earth to Edge! This is not something to be gaping at! This is true terror!" the green-haired summoner alleged. Soon thereafter, she suddenly felt a draft and realized that she was completely naked, with the exception of her hands in…places… "AUTHOR!!!"

"Heh, sorry, curiosity got the best of me there…" the author disclosed.

"Anyways, we'll see you all at the final battle, don't wimp out on us! Ta-ta!" Zermous waved as he and Golbez vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Crap…" Yang said, "Looks like things just got a lot more intense, and I don't mean like my wife!"

"Will you STOP saying things like THAT?!" Rydia annoyingly jeered.

"Calm down people. We need to get our act together and prepare for this confrontation… " Cecil said boldly, "…So, anyone got any ideas?"

At that moment, the entire cast of FF5, which has sorta been completely forgotten, cleared their throat demanding attention, all the while hinting a suggestion to the cause.

"Hmm, they might be of some use…" Rosa suggested.

"Eiko, do you want another bat cookie? It's already way past your bedtime…" Vincent yawned, his cape and costume becoming bothersome to him.

"Go back to your coffin, old timer!" the horned-summoner bellowed, crossing her arms in discontent.

"Oh dear…" was the only thing Aeris could say. It sure looked like saving the world this time around was not going to be easy, to say the least.

-+-+-+

Driving up in their new set of wheels, Kuja, Kefka and Seymour stepped out of the hot Viper looking like a bunch of party animals all dressed up in 70s dancewear.

"Oh now, the dim-witted dumbasses are back in town…" Seifer groaned, as did the rest of his band of bounty hunters.

"Oh my gosh, I simply love your hair!" Laguna beamed hyperactively.

"Dude, just…stop talking, seriously…" Amarant suggested as she shook his head in dismay.

Tifa added, "So this is what took you so long Seymour! You've reacquainted with some college friends of yours I see. I must say, they mimic your personality perfectly."

Barret was more of less terrified of the resemblances, so he unleashed his most overly used phrase in his vocabulary, "Damn!"

"Well, what are you three gawking at? Fix the Taurus and let's get a move on, or something…" Shadow advised, his dog Interceptor barking in agreement.

"Allow me the honors…Flare Star!" Kuja chanted as the billowing walls of fire gathered around the dead Ford Taurus and exploded in a massive fiery display. Miraculously, the once lifeless piece of automobile started up and was ready for whoever wanted to take the driver's seat.

"Amazing! That's the quickest car repair I have ever seen!" Tifa resorted to saying as she clasped her hands in astonishment. Everyone around her had to resort to a round of applause as well.

"Thank you, thank you!" the silver-haired mechanic expressed in reply as he suddenly caught a bouquet of beautiful flowers. "Wait, W…who tossed those just now?"

"Wasn't me!" Seymour said indisputably.

"Nor me…" Kefka said.

"IT WAS ME!!!" bellowed a mysterious being that shockingly resembled a tree.

"Aiiieee! The tree has an IQ larger than me!" shrieked Rinoa.

"Oh, excuse me, I forgot to downgrade my form," the mysterious trespasser spoke. "You see, I've been watching you all from afar, for the past two hours. Why, BECAUSE I CAN and WILL!"

"Please, just state your name and occupation for the record," Kefka scoffed.

The figured stop, and looked away slightly embarrassed, before turning to face the group once more. "Ahem, I am the evilest of evil villains, the viciously vivid wielder of 'the Void'! Those who have seen me do not live to tell the tale fore they are shocked of my existence and cannot even begin to grasp the true meaning of terror! And furthermore…."

Suddenly, the author appeared out of his mysterious portal again, clasping a remote control in his hands. He then proceeded to hit a button that resembled Fast Forwards. The tree quickly started to tremor violently all over, and his voice quickly accelerated through a vast array of speech all the while. Releasing the button, the author evaporated once more.

The tree, now a knight clad in heavy armor, resumed his words as if nothing had transpired in the first place. "…I am Ex-death! Wahahaha! I've come to return all to the Void, then I too shall disappear, for all eternity!"

"You kill others and then you kill yourself? Suicidal maniac…" Tifa murmured.

"Exdeath, heh, how original," Kuja grinned. "Well, Exdeath, how about a sampling of your true power? We don't just 'accept' anyone these days…"

"Save for one little case with a extremely dense transsexual," Kefka snickered.

"Hmm, I wonder who that could…HEY!!" Seymour sulked before turning a flush red in the face, "I don't see how you can come to such a hasty conclusion!"

"Very well…" Exdeath positioned himself in the center of a vortex on energy, before releasing an enormous wave of meteor-like energy discs upon a nearby playground. Smoke and heat quickly ensued the area, and when the dust settled, the entirely playground has been sucked and obliterated into a small, dark black hole.

Exdeath turned back to face the crew, his hand extending off towards the side of the chaos he had just unleashed. "It is done. I call that one, Grand Cross."

Wide eyes, followed by a storm of applause came about from the legions of terrors, and also from the uncouth heroes.

Rinoa gleefully cheered as her eyes lit up in sparkles, "That was so pretty! So pretty, and witty and…"

"BRIGHT!! Ahh, my eyes!" Laguna panicked fearing for his sight indefinitely.

Tifa laughed slightly before saying to herself, "_If only they knew the definition of destruction, that's more Sephiroth's department. One glance at Super Nova and they would be thunderstruck._"

"By the way my followers, I have a score to settle with some cosplaying champions of justice, and I don't mean the Sailor Scouts. I will gladly join your intentions if they are equal to mine." Exdeath proposed.

"Uwee-hee-hee!" Kefka laughed in that definite way of his, "how ironic, we were just about to do the same thing with our associated 'champions of justice', oooh, it sickens me just saying that!"

"By the way, no offense ladies, but my beauty clearly surpassed both yours combined!" Kuja giggled towards Rinoa and Tifa before twirling around to display his utmost love and form.

"Ugh, suddenly I feel the desirable urge to vomit." Tifa said looking quite pale in the face after hearing that remark from the cross dresser.

"You and Seymour MUST be twins!" Rinoa giggled as she pointed out the obvious similarities between the two, "You should become lovers, or something!"

Kefka fumed at the dense girl's comment, "Someone, remove that first grader from my sight, or I will be teaching her the hard means of discipline in the timeout corner!"

"That reminds me," spoke the blue-haired maester, "no offense to anyone here who is not associated with our group, but we probably should part ways here, I know, breaking up is hard to do, but alas fate has looked me sternly into the eyes and…"

Kuja quickly shoved Seymour out of the way, "What he's trying to say is, it wouldn't do well with our image to be associated with you all any longer." The poetic villan turned his attention to the raven-haired vixens then, "plus, I have a strong feeling that you both are the unmistaken love interests of the male protagonists, and of course, any further words or gestures could be confused as a method of flirting, thus leading to our eventual demise at the result of getting our asses kicked by some extreme attack of theirs.

"I know the feeling, I so despise appearing petrified as I've being walloped by an attack that does repetitive 9999 damage," Exdeath concurred, "Especially when you consist as more than one individual target!"

"Oh I know! Isn't 9999 just the worst?!" Kuja conceded as he attempted to go on telling his life's story in relation to the max damage aspect.

Seymour on the other hand, suddenly had the greatest desire to run away. If only these whimsical weaklings knew the true abomination of damage beyond the four nines…especially to the point where one could dream of the number in their sleep…

And with that, the minions of malice road off in their sporty set of wheels, and left the others confused and tarnished at the same time.

-+-+-+

**END OF PART 12**

**Author's Note: Oh my, an update! Yes, I'd still like to have this story finished before I die at least! I would say there could very well be a few more parts to go, and then I'll try and find a way to wrap things up. (Stories like these have a habit of going on forever and forever and ever…). At least the nice thing about spreading a story this far out in time is that a new wave of critics can read it, and maybe comment on it as well! **

**Oh yes, question time: What evil and somewhat disturbing tactics do our villains have up their sleeves now? Will Tidus somehow recover his wits after my torture exercise? What will Tifa and the group do now? Will Vivi become any more violent as this fic wears tirelessly on? Answers, and new possibilites shall await you…sometime in the not-too-distant future hopefully…**


	13. Part 13

**Not Just Another Halloween Night  
**By Nick Maddix

**Author's Note: This is easily my longest part to date at nearly 4,000 words. Hope you've got time to kill! Enjoy!**

**---**

**PART 13**

Trick or treating had long since been over with on the outlandish Halloween night, and the final decisive battle to decide the fate of…things was slowing emerging from an otherwise undeveloped plot. But who says we can't have any more fun along the way, eh?

After the abrupt departure of Golbez and Zermous via the portal of space and time, Cecil and his band of misfits…I mean, gallant comrades, were still trying to decide their next move. Bartz and his band of cross-dressers…I mean, valiant companions, were also in a similar situation, even though they currently had no idea that there archenemy, Exdeath was back.

"So, anyone got any ideas?" Cecil inquired from his party members. Currently he was having a moment of disbelief that once again his brother had returned to 'the dark side.'

Edward, who hadn't even had a line in this fanfic, raised his trembling hand and suggested, "Let's all…go home and…watch Care Bears re-runs."

Krile pipped up immediately and agreed devotedly, her eyes fluttering with delight, "I LOVE CARE-BEARS!"

"I must admit, I was drawn to their careful spirit, something I wish I had explored further on before my eternal sleep in the coffin…" Vincent added.

"You scare me." Aeris queered slightly.

Cecil shuddered before reiterating his question, "Okay, let me rephrase the question: Anyone got any BRIGHT ideas?"

Palom, the mage with the gung-ho personality, rose to his feet, his right fist shot in the air. "So, it looks like once again you all have come crawling and begging to Mysidia's GREATEST and most ATTRACTIVE black mage! Yes, yes, I know, please don't swoon over me all at once, there's plenty for everyone…"

Porom, Palom's twin sister, brought out her trusty, but now overly worn staff and thumped the fanatical mage over the head, like she had already done countless times in the past to discipline her rather fervent brother. The overall appearance of the staff had now taken on a very worn image, seeing as it now was littered with bumps and ridges throughout the crystal tip. "Please, just ignore him as you normally would. He's naturally as panicked as you all are."

Eiko, Tellah, Cid, FuSoYa, and Galuf had long since fallen asleep, so it was obvious that no suggestions could be obtained from these snoring party members. Interesting enough, it seemed that the young summoner had the loudest snore of the rest, as it quaked her surroundings with every intake of air. Various members of the party had to hold on to their valuables for fear that Eiko would suck them within her body and choke to death. Such an event would not bold well with the various Safe Parents Organizations in existence across the world.

Rydia, trying to get the situation back on the right track said, "Okay, let's think here. What does Zeromus and Golbez hate more than anything in the world…?"

Rosa immediately had a light bulb go on inside her head. "Oh, I know, I know! They hate Cecil with a burning passion! …And also badly decorated establishments…but most definitely Cecil above that!"

Cecil's face drooped even further into his cloak, "Honey, you're not helping my self-esteem any here… I know painfully well they hate me and would like nothing better than to dismantle me into tiny little pieces just to feed to their pets."

"Sorry love…" the white mage apologized holding her husband closer to her body. Then, she squeezed Cecil further inward and let out a rather sexy tenor in her voice, complete with a giggle, "Better now?"

"Uhmph," was all that Cecil could favorably reply with, as his hands were bound to groping in certain locations. Shortly thereafter, his nose started to bleed.

Edge snickered, as Rydia covered both the eyes of Porom and Palom, seeing as this was content that was not appropriate for mere children. Palom chuckled evilly as he pricked his sight from beneath the summoner's hands and said, "Jealous? Don't be, you're well-endowed too, heh heh…"

"You've got that right!" Edge beamed as his tongue began to hang and spill freely from the boundary of his chops.

Rydia fumed internally for a few seconds before releasing her anger with the calling of her mother, the Mist Dragon. A shot of mist from the dragon's snout quickly sent the perverted party members straight. Also, any crude humor that included 'Your Mom' in the same sentence also was deemed a laudable use for the Mist attack.

Bartz smirked before turning towards his group, "At least Guluf and I are gentlemen at heart, right crew?"

Reina (or Lenna, if you prefer) giggled slightly before looking a bit stern in the face, "Not quite Mr. Curiosity. I seemingly recall the many times I had to double-check my surroundings before changing into my nightgown when we stayed overnight at the various inns during our journey. You got so nosy that I had to invest in my own custom door lock!"

Faris nodded agreeing, "Arrg, I might still be alleged a man if it weren't for ya and yer peepin'!"

Kain after having blushed red all over underneath his helmet at the sight of the happenings quickly cleared his throat and tried to get the conversation back on track, "We still have the Crystal of Light right? Maybe we can harness its energy into a way that can track evil, moreover, as a way to lead us to the evil tyrants. A source of weakness is drawn to its counterpart, I've always said."

Cecil nodded, "It is certainly worth a shot." He reached into the pocket of his cloak and brought out the shimmering source of hope and life. Everyone's eyes were immediately attracted to the blinding ray of lights that emitted from the gem. It was easily bright enough to light up the previously darkened night. The light began to emanate towards the northeast of the party's current location. The light formed a foggy display, and the party members watched with unease as several oppressors of immorality were showed demonstrating their various powers up close.

Bartz took exacting notice over the heavily armored knight in white, and the familiarity of the "Grand Cross" attack. He could not believe the harnesser of nothingness and the destroyer of his world's crystals was now standing tall and mighty once again. The reaction of his cohorts was strikingly similar in every way. Cecil and company also took notice that standing behind a few of the questionable-gendered enemies was Golbez and Zeromus and reacted in a very similar manner as well. The idea of dealing with, not one, but seven colossal fiends was distasteful to the extreme.

"Everyone," Cecil stifled, "We're in for one hell of a battle."

Palom snorted, "Thank you, Mister Obvious. I certainly had no idea until you clarified it for me."

Another strike from the stern staff of his twin sister followed subsequently afterwards.

-+-+-+

"What was that noise just now?" Sabin queried as he got up from his seat and looked out from the nearby window. An excessively large blast, followed by another shrouded the sky with a plume of smoke and fire. Visibly was rapidly reduced in seconds before finally the wind took hold and improved the overall view, but not the situation. Several trees surrounding the blast sight were swiftly becoming a blazing inferno. The sinister smell and work of evil was at present.

Several others stared out the window in a similar way and receive near similar reactions as well. Even Auron, who was originally so focused on beating Sephiroth in Chutes and Ladders took notice of the gathering, suddenly displaying an image of intense seriousness before leaving the table and the titan behind.

Kefka. Ultimecia. Kuja. Seymour. These names formed beneath the minds and heart of their appropriate designators. Then quickly, bewilderment ran across the entire room as various people began to question the other names that they had heard themselves.

"It must to be Kefka!" Celes clamored, "No other lunatic could possibly resist the temptation of unleashing impeding doom upon us all at any given time."

"When will this madman accept the meaning of defeat?" Edgar wondered.

Terra, Relm, Gau and Locke further started to discuss some possible means of assault and preparation for the oncoming battle.

"Kuja! Now what is that confused and biological brother of mine up to?" Zidane said, quickly fuming up inside. Garnet worriedly placed a hand on one of his shoulders, fearing that more hearts belonging to the side of good could be warped by the twisted mind and power of Kuja. Vivi just sort of blinked more rapidly than usual, Freya looked as ready to do battle as ever, and Quina had resorted to devouring the rest of the goodies that finally had been left unattended by the recent distraction that was present.

"Oooh, mega bummer! Ulti's at it again!" Selphie pouted, "Gawd, I hope she doesn't mess with that time compression thingy again. That was, like, so uncool last time!" Suddenly, she noticed the absence of Irvine, whom she hadn't seen in quite some time. Peering out of a closet in black leather from head to toe was Quistis who frantically acknowledged the dire situation that was at hand. Falling out from behind the door behind her was Irvine, who was completely bound in ropes from head to toe, a note card tapes to the top of his forehead that read in dark, black permanent marker: 'I've been punished dearly, and enjoy every minute of it.' The words were a complete opposite of the expression that was displayed on Irvine's face for all to see. Selphie would have normally exploded at the notion that Irvine had been playing in a most disturbing way with someone other than herself, but after thinking for a total of four point five seconds, she came to the conclusion that maybe he had a secret hobby and thrill of being punished by others in an erotica sense of manner. She would have to ask him later on if he really did enjoy this sort of thing, and then she would request him to allow her to give him a complete feminine makeover.

"Where the hell is Squall and Rinoa? Like we can possible do anything without the lovey-dovey couple!" Zell remarked (who by the way, found his way back to the party via his recently reacquired T-Board), before slamming his fist into a nearby brick wall and reacting in pain.

"Oh for the love of… I'm so sick of chasing after Seymour and beating his numerous forms. Please don't tell me we have to do it yet AGAIN?! If he has yet another chrome that heals him every round…I'll…" Tidus whined as he was dragged forcefully yet playfully by Yuna via his right ear. Lulu and Wakka were dragging Rikku, also whom had returned to her unconscious (but at least silent) state. Kimahri just sort of shrugged and followed behind, spear in hand.

Sephiroth knew what had transpired. The Jenova cells within him could feel for the plight of destruction that was quickly amassing. A smirk coiled upon his face and in an inquisitiveness for whom all could emit such massive power, he rose to his feet, sauntered over to the still out-like-a-light Cloud Strife and grinned again.

"Hell's breaking loose Cloud. Will you fight for those whom you love once more, or cower in fear at the immeasurable odds? It really doesn't matter, because, you are, and will always be, a puppet." He could have easily killed the Ex-soldier right then and there, but the thirst of a fight plaques his blood and soul like disease. If there was anything Sephiroth couldn't stand, it was an easy win over a defenseless adversary. And so taking one last look at the comatose blonde that had a tendency to apply just a little too much hair gel on a daily basis, he casually walked out of the building, his fortune sighted right in front of him. The best was truly yet to come, he felt.

-+-+-+

Meanwhile, on the other side of town (which has yet to actually have a name, location, or any such thing), Tifa and her newly formed group, comprising of the so-called assassins, Shadow, Amarant, Seifer, and Laguna, as well as her unofficial twin sister, Rinoa, and partner and friend, Barret were also taking notice of the fireworks that had occupied the skies for a time and where the leftovers were still visible.

"Shit! Is Sephiroth at it again? That cracka just don't kno' when to accept psychiatric help, do he?" Barret exclaimed already teed off inside.

"Who is this Sephiroth you speak of? Maybe my son can seek therapeutic help with him," Laguna said, perked with interest.

"He's not the type that just anyone can mess with. He came ruthlessly close to becoming a god. He killed Aeris and countless others during his course of murder to achieve his unrivaled status," Tifa explained. She was slightly confused at the same time. This didn't seem like something Sephiroth would just do on the spur of a moment. After all, his main target had and always would be Cloud. And if it wasn't Cloud, it was usually someone who was attached to Cloud. That he had violently demonstrated at the Forgotten Ancient Capital.

"Ultimecia…" Rinoa alleged, becoming very serious. If she truly had achieved time compression, then she could travel to virtually any world or place she wanted to in the blink of an eye since obviously all words would be merged into one, causing total annihilation across all points in time... Then, her attention shifted again, before she danced around, "She's a diva with tons of cleavage and always has trouble with her C's when they sound like K's! And to think I secretly wanted to be like her!"

Seifer looked at her awkwardly and laughed, "I wonder what puberty boy would say if he had heard that!"

Rinoa grinned, completely lighthearted once again, "I think the answer is obvious!"

Knowing full well that there was far too much power and far too many diverse attack patterns for it to be one person alone, Tifa came to the conclusion that the three harebrained foes that she and the others had run into earlier were obviously the direct cause of the mayhem that was now taking place. She had secretively wished that they had been kidding when they had verbally disclosed their desire to destroy the world and their former opposition along with it.

Rinoa suddenly had a weird image of Squall in her mind, and frantically began looking around for the commander, asking at the same time for anyone who would listen, "Where is Squally, anyways?"

Tifa reminded the raven-haired woman, "He's back with those sprites, remember?"

Rinoa continued to look quixotic before she opened her mouth, "Oh yeah, that's right! I just could have sworn that we had taken him with us in the Taurus; I thought I locked him in the trunk or something…"

Just to double-check, Amarant opened the trunk up and inside was a figure that really didn't resemble Squall at all. In fact, it was someone completely different.

Shadow knew who this person was right away, and thus remarked, "Cyan??"

"Aiiee! The light blindth me. I hath been cooped up in there for an unknown amounth of time. Tha…that WITCH over there is really as dense as a Chocobo!" the swordsman assumed based on obvious traits apparent on the young woman's figure.

"Thank you for the compliment!" Rinoa answered back as she waved happily at the serious individual whom had come out of the trunk.

"How the hell did you get stuck in there?" Amarant asked, holding back a laugh at the same time.

"This infernal contraption pinned me like the insides of a treasure chest. I hath tried everything, from offering it chocolate to summoning Ifrit," Cyan revealed, "I am completely baffled by the works of these MACHINES!"

Shadows further kept silent, so as to not further impair the swordsman's imagine. No one would believe he was a powerful warrior if they got the first hand impression that he was clumsy and perplexed with something as simple as a trunk lock, even when it wasn't technically classified as a machine.

Seifer couldn't resist brining out his gunblade and shooting at the souls of Cyan's feet, which in turn caused the sword bearer to do exactly as he had predicted: dance around and curse like a little boy's reaction to lighting a sparkler for the first time.

"What manner of fiendish magic was that?! Thou art a devil in disguise!" Cyan bellowed, cowering behind a nearby bush.

"It's call a gunblade, and while it is similar to your sword, it also shoots rounds of bullets from afar. Thus it is classified as both a long-range and short-range weapon. A deadly combination." Seifer disclosed to the alarmed warrior.

"Indeed." Cyan replied, "Then perhaps I shall replay thee in kind!" Bringing out his blade, Cyan powered up and unleashed 'Stunner', causing magic to rain down from the sky and Seifer to freeze in his tracks. "Do not allow me to catch thee again practicing techniques on an defenseless foe, or thou shall feel my blade once again, yes?"

Seifer grumbled, "Yes sir."

"I get the impression that something else is wrong. The skies appear as though they wish to rain fire upon us all," Cyan took notice, "please, fill me in on all the details…"

And so, Tifa explained as best as she could the dilemma that was slowing starting to unfold. Kuja, Kefka, Seymour and Exdeath had now undoubtedly joined forces, and perhaps enticed others to join in their cause. She also learned further information from Laguna and Rinoa about this one called Ultimecia, and from Cyan and Shadow on Kefka, and from Amarant about Kuja. It was too horrible in detail. She didn't know want she feared more: The thought of all life being extinguished entirely, or the idea of it being done by ruthless, yet dense individuals who had no direct fashion sense or appeal.

-+-+-+

"ACHOO!!"

The band of villains had taken a break in showing each other the merits of their esteemed powers. But during the course of preparing a Thundaga, Seymour had sneezed randomly, or maybe, he hadn't. It was a trait shared that one would sneeze if it was felt like someone was talking about you somewhere beyond your reach. Kuja, Kefka and the other villains had ignored it and saw it as a response to the amount of smoke that inhabited the air now after they had let loose a variety of high level fire elemental spells.

"Too hot for you Seymour?" Kefka asked, as he was prepared to release another wave of his favorite attack, 'Goner'.

"I-it's nothing. Really!" the Guado replied.

Exdeath was becoming increasingly bored with releasing 'Holy' and 'Grand Cross' tirelessly on nearby buildings and objects as evident by a yawn that was exhibited from him.

Suddenly, a vortex formed from nearby, and out of it came an alien and an individual that resembled a Viking, or Darth Vader.

Kuja sighed, and became slightly engrossed at the sight of the slimy creature, "I'm sorry, but all applications for joining our party have been filled, I'm going to have to ask you to…"

Zeromus didn't bother letting Kuja finish, as he unleashed a 'Big Bang Attack', complete with an actual voice that sounded somewhat like a race of powerful warriors from a popular anime series. An array of rainbow colors flashed rapidly across the area blinding, while awing all in its path. Golbez summoned a wave of 'Meteo'. Suddenly, a mass group of fiery meteors rained down from the skies, quickly and deadly impacting the ground leaving very large craters. Interestingly enough, some very unusual shapes were carved into the ground thanks to the heated falling rocks. Some represented outlines of female figures, while other consisted of shapes, numbers, letters and even symbols.

Seymour was particular impressed by the colors, although you wouldn't have thought so by the way his eyes had started to spin around as though he was hypnotized.

Without even taking another second to think about it, Kefka basically said, "Alright, you're in. Let me guess? Looking to avenge some do-gooders of justice? Yeah, don't bother explaining, we know. There seems to be a rather abnormal tread in avenging old foes these days. Or maybe, just maybe…"

"Alright, you got me," the author said. "Just team up and get on with it! If I was really looking to add more, I'd just throw in Chaos, the Emperor of Palamecia, Xande, the Cloud of Darkness, Necron, and Sin, but then, imagine how confusing it would be to keep everything in check, not to mention giving each character one line could result in god knows how many sentences!"

Kuja about passed out from all the talk, but finally settled on, "Alright, whatever. I'm starting to feel like a droid in some madman's scheme…"

Zeromus shuddered recalling an earlier event that could very well have damaged his initial confrontation with the FF4 heroes, adding, "You don't know the half of it…"

Exdeath then teleported to the top of a very large tree, scouting the surroundings for any signs of the approaching heroes. Surely all the recent mayhem caused by their little jamboree with explosive magic would get their attentions immediately. Else, if they were forced to wait for an extended period of time, then calling for pizza delivery didn't sound like a really bad idea.

Hopefully however, it wouldn't be too much longer. He still had an appointment to keep at the barber shop, and he had to get home and check on his lotto tickets to see if he had won the 50 million dollar jackpot. He knew his odds were much greater with the ultimate combination of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. How could he possibly lose? If he had to, he'd just propel the organization into the Void if he didn't win. It's pretty easy to get what you want when you hold the ultimate power of oblivion. Ah, it was so good to be bad, especially when nobody except for the heroes of a certain game were destined to vanquish you, and there was always the chance some random monster, or status element could eradicate them beforehand. Oh the possibilities!

"Maybe they'll forget to stock up on Potions and Phoenix Downs like that one time…" Exdeath snickered before sitting on his lounger reading a naughty magazine, sipping a Pina Colada and jamming to the Motley Crue.

-+-+-+

**END OF PART 13**

**Author's Note: Wow, another new chapter done! So yeah, I've reached the point in the story where I just want to get it done. There aren't many stories of mine that actually get finished, so to have a finished story in sight really is a rarity on my end of things! Things are now pretty much set up, we just have to hope that somehow, the heroes are able to find out where the evil menaces are. That alone could take a whole part, hehe!**

**Is Exdeath an alcoholic? **

**Is there still a chance characters from other FF games may find a place in this story?**

**Where the heck is Sephiroth now?**

**Will Cloud sleep through the rest of this story?**

**And, do the heroes even have a chance in hell to win?**

**Stay tuned for the next excitement part in the fic that has spanned years in the making, but yet is so painfully close to being done: Not Just Another Halloween Night, or, 'That Really Crazy Halloween Story You Read and Nearly Forgot About!"**


End file.
